Listening to triggering music

[Jynx]

Haha I feel you @creative_writer - I was young for my year at school (my bday is in Feb so I wasn't THAT far behind), the reason? 

Cos I quit pre-school, since I hated the mandatory nap time 🤣 

I learned this thingy from Mythbusters tho! 

It helped me to approach naps as more of a 'power down' - where I don't aim to actually fall asleep necessarily, but just shut out all the sensory stimulation for a while. Since I wasn't trying to sleep it took all the pressure off, meaning I no longer lay there getting all restless and frustrated, I can now actually just lie there and allow my brain to rest! And wouldn't you know it, every now and again I do actually nod off! 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I drove my mum crazy when I was a little one. I wanted to play instead of sleeping. I also woke up early. After all I was the toddler who ran away when her parents were praying along with people’s shinny things like glasses. My parents found me with security.

I wish I could lie down and close my eyes but I often feel the need to move. I move a lot during my sleep. If I was ever to get a partner in the future, they’ll have to get used to it. I steal blankets when I’m asleep too and take a lot of space.

I am feeling pretty restless right now too. I get thoughts on replay. Maybe this light headedness isn’t helping. I’m used to living life on hyperviligance, it is suffocating. I’m tempted to buy things to escape from these feelings. Will I regret it, maybe. Probably don’t need more makeup right now, but Cyber Monday

[Jynx]

@creative_writer hahahaha you little scamp!! I totally remember getting in trouble cos I was stealing coins from mum's purse when I was super little 🤣

lol my toes are often wiggling along even when I'm having a power down. It does still seem to help, even if it is just giving my brain reprieve from sensory stimuli! I've always done weird stuff in bed, like scooching down whilst lying on my tummy, and then kinda kicking off the end of the bed a teensy bit, repeatedly, so my whole body is just...wigglin' along 😅

I reckon I will never be able to share a bed long-term. I'm too sensitive to other people's sounds and movements!! Always takes me so long to fall asleep whenever my partner stays over, and then they breathe really loud which keeps me up... sometimes I just head to the couch! I imagine the kind of partner you will hopefully (and they're HIGH hopes lemme tell ya) find one day will be understanding and not be the sort who needs to adhere to the social norms, i.e. they won't take it personally or as a rejection if you tell em you need to sleep alone!

You been able to do some movement or exercise today? Could very much help to regulate the restlessness!

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I was a naughty kid🤣. However, I was really shy when I went to preschool and school. Nobody would’ve guessed.

My body shakes too when I’m lying down. I just can’t sit or lie down still. I’m sensitive to sounds like snoring. I wouldn’t be as disturbed my movements as long as it is not excessive.

I naturally get movements in, I pace a lot in the house. I didn’t do any particular exercise. Sitting all day just doesn’t work for me, I need to be moving. Still pretty restless, but it’s just what I am, hard to not worry about the future or ruminate over the past

[Jynx]

@creative_writer whenever I get stuck in rumination or future-worry, I find it suuuuper helpful to kinda... escape into my imagination. You ever do that? It's also a great way to find inspiration for writing and stuff too. 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I have done that before. I think I’ve gotten so used to getting stuck, it is hard to get unstuck. I know it’s going to take time, patience and a lot of willpower. Breaking the same repetitive thought patterns are hard work.

I think my mind is also naturally looking for a safe person. When I don’t find someone, I get lonely. I hate having to admit to that because it’s what I’ve been trying to fight for so long

[Jynx]

Sounds like in order to survive some painful years of not having your emotional needs met has resulted in having to convince yourself you're better off alone @creative_writer. But now that way of coping is no longer serving you, and rewiring those kinds of neural pathways is always extra tricky - since our brains also believe that what is familiar is also what is safe, and because a big part of your brain will likely be like UHH HELLO? THIS IS HOW WE SURVIVED. DO YOU WANT US TO DIE? And you kinda gotta be like 'thanks for keeping me safe as a kid but we won't actually die, promise!!' Ahhh gentle reparenting is tough hey! 

Give it a go!! What kinda world would you go to if you could go anywhere? Magical or nah? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx my brain sort of craves connection but it’s not sure where to look. Even if I was to make friends, it’ll take time.

I would probably go live inside the world of a fictional character that I made up. I could probably write a fictional piece on those characters

[Jynx]

I met a lot of my friends at music festivals @creative_writer - the psytrance ones in particular seem to attract a LOT of ND folks lol. But they're definitely not a pleasant environment for everyone! But I guess what I'm getting at is that sometimes to find people who share our interests, we gotta go out and do those interests in the public sphere. Like, maybe there's a local writers club or book club you could take a poke at! 

Ha, you and me both!! I follow my characters around through all sorts of adventures, typically throw them into the world of whatever media I'm obsessed with (been Arcane lately!). I think it's actually been soooo helpful for moments where my brain wants to ruminate, I'll actually pull myself up and think 'hmm no wait, where was my story up to' - basically it's comparmentalising practice! 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx my brain can’t tolerate loud places. Not sure if a music festival would be ideal, maybe some other activity.

It is a good strategy to use when ruminating. I think it’s just going to take me time to get there. It’s hard to break free when one is paralysed