Lived Experience Forum

[CheerBear]

I did something that should feel really bad but doesn't. I worry about why it doesn't feel bad. Not long ago it would have. What's changed? Am I broken?

[outlander]

Its like fighting a never ending battle. A battle i dont think ill ever win.

[Queenie]

I worry that it’s never going to get any better for me. What if this is as good as it gets?

[Adge]

Virtually none of my 10 or so trips to NSW (relatives), over the past 25 years – have I ever got to see anything (at all) in NSW.

No day trips anywhere, no nothing – I’ve been basically stuck in one place (in a house) in the suburbs, for 8 to 13 days.

Just like my childhood home (upbringing).

Only once I think, did Dad organise to take me to Jenolan Caves (whilst there) – that was in 2004, a very long time ago (15 years ago).

He passed away 4 years ago.

Every single year, for the past 25 years (since in WA), I get the same text messages & emails (from several Cousins) –

“When are you moving back to NSW”?, “You must come to NSW” (for a Holiday?!) - to be stuck in a house in the suburbs for 13 days & see absolutely nothing.

The last 3 or 4 trips to NSW (to see relatives), no-one provided me a bed to sleep in (the spare bed was covered in junk) – so I slept on the floor.

How/ Why?

I miss some of them a lot – why don’t they come over here, to visit me?

Most of my Cousins are in their late 60’s – I’ve been in WA for 25 years, so we would not know or recognise each other anymore.

I cannot afford another wasted "Relatives Trip" (not holiday) to NSW at their insistence.

The city in NSW is virtually the only City that I have ever flown to (10 or so times) from WA – that means that I have not got to go anywhere else, for a holiday (except a few short driving trips around WA), 10 years ago.

I just need a proper relaxing holiday, just for me, not to NSW (cannot afford & don't relax).

It’s all too much.

Adge

[greenpea]

I lied to my mother today. In fact over the past few days. It doesnt matter what about it is that I dont like lying. It doesnt come naturally to me.I just want to be left in peace. I feel like my head is about to explode. So much stress. I know if I wasnt on medication I would have chatter but that is contined by the medication. I feel like curling up in a ball and covering my ears as the sensation of chattering is strong. The voices are nattering away at my brain.

[TheVorticon]

Watching a podcast. The host is looking at their camera (at the podcast guest) with such intense concentration and listening presence that it's difficult for me to watch. I don't know when anyone has looked at me that way. My psych sort of does but I can't look at him while I'm talking about anything other than work or the weather. Being looked at like that seems terrifying at the same time.
I feel so alone and disconnected. I don't post this stuff in any other thread because of the fear that no one will respond. At least here I'm in control of that.

[Maggie]

It’s all just too hard. I don’t know if I can keep doing this. Nothing ever changes.

[The-red-centaur]

@Maggie I hope you're ok. We're here x

[Tropicalrose]

@CherryBomb 

I worry I am so broken, weird and unlikeable.