05-12-2019 05:46 PM - edited 13-12-2019 05:12 PM
08-12-2019 07:48 PM
08-12-2019 08:06 PM
I get overwhelmed this time of year.
The traffic gets far too hectic (& congested).
People seem so worn-out & stressed (yes I am)
People wear me out, with their demands & excessive expectations (especially work).
There are too many emotional triggers, over this period.
The constant noise (my neighbours) & loud parties around me (my neighbour is partying right now) - just leaves me feeling more alone & isolated.
Because I'm not a part of any of those celebrations, & I have no celebrations of my own - unless I go to a council community Christmas lunch (which I will).
08-12-2019 11:16 PM - edited 09-12-2019 06:50 PM
I wish I didn't care so much about other people. What they think of me, what they say about me, what they don't say about me. I wish I didn't care about stuff. Stupid stuff that I don't use but keep anyway. Stuff I can't find space for in my tiny home. But I care too much to throw away. I wish I didn't care about my pets that don't seem to show that much care about me. I got two of the most aloof, non cuddly cats that have no real need for me. I wish I didn't care enough about living this current useless life. I wish I cared enough about me. And I wonder if I ever will.
09-12-2019 10:22 PM
I'm terrified of changing meds. Last time I changed I almost didn't survive. Current meds aren't working, but I'm delaying changing out of fear. I hope I can find the strength - I have the plan and new meds, just need to do it.
10-12-2019 01:52 PM - edited 10-12-2019 01:53 PM
Im so embarrassed. Our power company come to disconnect our power, what made it worse was that i had a few family members sitting right there. All because of one late payment and not ringing them to make a new payment plan even though weve still been paying😪😪
Now not only do i need to deal with my own emotions i have to worry more about pop. I cant react to how im really feeling because it makes things even worse for him.
11-12-2019 01:17 PM - edited 13-12-2019 05:12 PM
12-12-2019 07:26 PM
I cannot communicate effectively via text (typing) - I have dyslexia, which becomes worse when distressed.
Plus dissociation is worse when distressed, or overwhelmed.
Which makes it so hard to think clearly or type thoughts or responses.
So when I most need the forums for connection & mutual understanding - I cannot use it, because I cannot type or express myself...
I feel insignigicant (tiny & invisible) when I see people writing pages & pages every day.
Verbal is best & clearest for my communication - yet there is little available to me.
13-12-2019 11:31 PM
15-12-2019 02:09 PM
I've felt totally overwhelmed, highly anxious & dissociated (blank & numb) for the past few days.
Too many big triggers -
- neighbour throwing piles of branches over fence, into my back yard - then screaming at me over the fence (that she has every right to do it).
- work car incident, stress & blame.
I just cannot put it all out of my mind - or relax & do helpful things.
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