Lived Experience Forum

[Bmia11]

Hi all, 

I'm in my early 30s and living back at home with the parents for a few months before I hopefully head abroad. While I'm thankful I get to save rent, my depression and anxiety has become more severe the more I'm around my mother. She is constantly negative, lies, manipulates, berates my father, plays the victim and lacks empathy and consideration for others. I want to honour my parents but my mother is a huge trigger for me and gets to a point where I have despairing thoughts. There is no peace at home and I don't think it's good for me to stay there any longer. I am in survival mode and I cannot function when im there. I cant stay there, but I have no money for rent and am trying to pay off  credit card debt. Can anyone please help me navigate this? I'm thinking of just living in my car a few days here and there so I'm not in the house as much. 

[Zoe7]

Hey @Bmia11 that seems to be a very difficult position you are in. Are there any other family members or friends you could stay with for a few days?

[Jynx]

Hey @Bmia11 welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to hear that your home environment feels so unsafe for you, that's really hard to have to endure. It's helpful that there is an end date, but it would still be so tough to have to put up with that kind of behaviour from your mother. 

I agree with @Zoe7 - finding safe havens with friends or family, even for a night a week or something, could make a huge difference, and give your system time to calm down and go back into rest & digest mode instead of being stuck in survival mode all the time. And if your car offers you escape, it could be worth looking into it as an option. I imagine you could even google tips for staying safe whilst staying in your car overnight - or perhaps invest in a tent and escape into nature when needed! 

Do you have much mental health support? Having someone to talk to about what you're navigating with your mother could be really helpful. If there's barriers to you accessing mental health support from a psychologist or counsellor (such as financial barriers, or in terms of keeping the peace with your mother, etc.), some interim options might be with telehealth support - like giving 1800Respect a buzz, or getting in touch with the SANE Support line (1800 187 263, Mon-Fri 10am-8pm). There's also the SANE Guided Service, offering free counselling or peer support sessions over the phone - could be good to have while you explore your options. You can see if you're eligible here. 

Hope this community also provides a good space for you to vent and connect with others who know what you're going through. 

[Eve7]

Welcome to the forum @Bmia11 It sounds really tough for you right now and I’m sorry you have to endure this in your home.

Once I was working in a really toxic work environment while saving to go overseas. I was only able to get through by reminding myself of my goal and I’d look around at those nasty people and say “because of them I was going to Barcelona”. It worked but it was hard.

If you have a finite time that you know you’ll be there you might be able to stay but if you don’t have a timeframe it will be difficult.,

Lots of people here will be kind enough to sit with you. Take care 🩵

[Bmia11]

Thanks @Zoe7, I can stay with my brother here and there but he has his own family unit and I don't want to be imposing on them for too long. While I'm grateful for his support, he has his own family dynamics and I don't want to infringe on them too much. Pretty much the same with my friends and their own family dynamics/ full houses. 

[Bmia11]

Thank you @Jynx 

I can stay with my brother here and there but again, I don't want to impose on him and his family too much. I'll see how I go with staying in my car here and there too. I am seeing a psychologist regularly and we've talked about other issues, but recent events with my mother has worsened my mental state and I'll need to unpack all of that when I see her in about two weeks. But I'm so grateful for this community where support is given 24/7, I don't feel as alone in this. So thankyou. 

[Bmia11]

Thankyou @Eve7. 

Yes I have to remind myself daily that this is temporary no matter how hard it is at present. 

Thankyou for being alongside me in this, it means a lot 💜

[Jynx]

I'm really glad to hear that you've got support around you @Bmia11 and yes absolutely come and chat with us here whenever you want/need! 

I hope the two weeks goes swiftly so you can get your psych up to speed and maybe even come up with some tools for coping/navigating it all. Let us know if there's anything else you want to chat about or help you unpack 😊

[Bmia11]

Thanks @Jynx, will do 🙏🏼

[NatureLover]

Welcome, @Bmia11 , I really feel for you... This is my dread, of being so poor I have to go back to live with my abusive father. 

Hopefully you can get some relief for a few days a week with what you have planned. The only other thing I could think of was renting a caravan, but I don't know what they cost so it may not be possible. 

Good luck... 🤞