Lived Experience Forum

[MermaidHair]

Hey @Enigma1 welcome to the forums!

You have come to the right place my friend. I have CPTSD and bipolar and I related so much to that last part you wrote about being active, positive and no anxiety. That describes me when I am experiencing the "up" or hypomanic phase of my bipolar. Usually the biggest or earliest tell for me is the no anxiety part, because I'm such a cautious and anxious person usually.

I understand it is confronting and scary, I feel that a lot. Whether you have bipolar or not it sounds like you already had a lot on your plate to begin with but getting to know what's going on will help you go a long way to getting on top of it and living well.

It's really nice to meet you too!

[tyme]

Hey @Jane75 @Enigma1 ,

I had several MH diagnoses. I think each one was interrelated in some way.

It's about finding what works for you. We are all unique and therefore, it's not a one-size-fits-all.

I'd be interested to hear how things go for you @Enigma1 .

Also, @Jane75 , I hope things improve for you.

Hope you are both okay.

[Jane75]

I'm part of a bipolar forum on Facebook and many people with bipolar question their diagnosis, especially when medicated because theynfeel normal.  I know myself that I do, especially when things are going well because I feel so  "normal" and focused. 

 However when I look in hindsite I have to admit my psychiatrist is right.  When I was diagnosed my husband had actually taken me to hospital for psychosis.  I was absolutely certain he was shagging people at 2 in the morning at some paddock about 5 mile from our home.  He never left the house.  Was so weird. 

I spent hours skirtng through his phone and Facebook account and various web sites absolutely certain I could read code and that code in these websites was my proof.  Sounds insane right?   It was so real to me.  I lost lots of sleep and hallucinated, like had conversations with peolle that weren't there and replied to texts I didnt get that I thought I did and read.  It was so real. 

 So whenever I doubt my diagnosis I think back to that 10 days that I put myself and hubby through hell and theres no doubt .    I'm on a antsychotics now and watch my moods.   Do as much study as you ca about it bis what I suggest to get an j persuading of your past and who you are.  It helps immediately sell. Speak to others too and you'll fi d that you will be able to relate quite well.  Whatever you do, don't stop your meds.  I made that mistake because I felt well and questioned diagnosis and have a major relapse. 

As for the meds,I hear ya.   I've had weight gain too that is exceptionally hard to lose.  If you have too much trouble with it, talk to your Dr for a swap. 

Good luck and thanks for your story. 

[tyme]

Hey @Jane75 ,

I just want to acknowledge all the posts you have made. Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry we have not gotten back to you earlier. 

I read that you can relate to what the community have posted. Do you have any strategies to make it more bearable for you?

[Jane75]

No problem at all.   Thank you for replying now. 

Honestly, no.  I have no real strategies except keeping a bit if an eye on my moods and if they seem unregulated talk to my psychiatrist.   I try using a mood app for bipolar but forget to write in it  so have to rely on checking in and doing a self analysis if/when thjngs go wrong.   I have now also been diagnosed with PMDD and I think it all stems from my life traumas just being too much.   I think because if this the best angle of attack is to not dwell on bad stuff by each and every day think of the good thjngs I have.  Again, I forget sometime but I don't like dwelling on bad stuff -- life is too short.    I think, considering my past it's pretty good that I'm able to do this.   The problem is though because of emotional dysregulation from ADHD and the deeper emotions from bipolar I'm a very emotional person and tend not to be able to control the....and how I feel usually is felt tenfold than what the situation warrants ...so if I'm hurt say by my husband from something little ( he didn't co planet my new dress),  I feel like someone died ......so really do struggle with this despite what is great in my life, because we feel what we feel.   The problem is the anger that results  ( frustration and so on from ADHD plus the extra tension from PMDD) so I'm often either crying or biting someone's head off ( namely husband), although I have at work colleagues too...  The best course of action ATM is meds for my disorders and working with my husband where we have a. 'Calm kit' strategy where he helps ground me if I get overwhelmed.  However it has only been worked out recently that I need help with regulation from whom I'm interacting with, so hoping it works...

Other than that I just kjbd of float along, up and down not really able to follow strategies because I lack self awareness ( don't know when to I.plement one) and usually so overwhelmed I need someone else to recognise it to help me. 

[tyme]

I'm hearing you. I can't say I have ADHD, but I can relate to the emotional dysregulation. I had a lot of therapy to allow me to 'slow down' and work through things so that I didn't get up 'biting' people's heads off or lashing out in rage @Jane75 . This happened regularly. A few times every day.

Nowadays, it probably happens a few times a year. 

It's been a long road. I just want you to know you are not going through this alone. 

I'm hearing how difficult it can be. By connecting with others and sharing experiences, I hope you pick up something that may work for you.

[Jane75]

One of the things I hate is worrying whether I'm enemtering a hypomanic or manic state when I don't feel like sleeping or become productive after weeks of down time.  

I usually watch this and adjust my meds accordingly but it socks that everything is about monitoring the highs and lows.  

I've just spent two weeks of extreme spending with a mixed out afterpay.  Had a productive few days, in a good mood and I'm not tired.....However I'm going on holiday the day after tomorrow.

Is it a trigger, am I just excited or do I need to dull myself down as a preventative just in case?   I'm not directly asking you.  These are just the questions in my head.

Any other person can just feel good without the thinking.  Us with bipolar, if we don't want to enter any kind of state just need to monitor...and that I find kinda sad.    These are the things that I used to take for granted when undiagnosed and I miss those simple thjngs. 

Whilst I know I need my meds and needed the help as in hindsite undiagnosed state led to constant delusions, psychosis etc,  I didn't feel as complicated as I do now --- it felt easier.  Now ai just monitor myself and question my moods constantly which I know is a good thing, but doesn't always feel like it because it's a constant reminder of my health issues. 

Sometimes I'd just like to have a day where I can just take my meds and forget I have psychiatric disorders.  

I'm also on meds for focusing with adjd and when I'm at work I'm constantly thinking about my next dose to make sure I don't lose focus or screw up.   That's a bummer too.  

Sometimes it's just so complicated I have trouble understanding it myself so how do we get the right help or understanding if even I don't get it Sometimes.  

Despite the literature I've I've read I still have trouble with what is linked and what is personality or 'what everyone feels' or whether my bad mood is bipolar or whether my sleeplessness us.  

Then again, do I really need to know?? Does knowing make it easier to deal with.   If you are in a rage knowing makes no difference.  

Yes, sometimes.es I overthink......