Lived Experience Forum

[SadLorikeet]

I've been at my job for going on 14 years. I love the job, it's challenging and I feel like I'm making a valuable contribution. It's also the longest I've ever held a job, and I just turned 60. 

There are 8 new positions opening up, involving a rise in pay grade, additional responsiblity and leadership roles. My boss suggested I apply, so I thought "This is great, I'm in with a chance!" 

I have been medicated for Major Depressive Disorder for over 20 years. I suffer from PTSD following childhood sexual abuse. Within 24 hours of my boss suggesting I apply, I started to meltdown. My anxiety levels went through the roof... heart palpitations, rise in blood pressure, sweating, shaking, crying for no apparent reason, short temper and frustration and impatience.

I spoke briefly to the boss again, said I needed a break because "I'm starting to take things too personally and I need to step back." She approved a week of annual leave. I go back to work in five days but I am paralyzed by fear. 

If I apply for this position and fail, my coworkers will belittle me, ostracize me, laugh at me behind my back. 

Who does she think she is, applying for a job meant for younger people? Not as smart as she thinks she is... I knew there was a reason I didn't like her. What a loser.

My partner says I should go for it, I'm a shoe-in for the job, I have so many skills that would apply to the position.

But I feel like a fraud. An imposter. 

An alien.

[astrida8]

If you are in a supported and secure position you really have nothing to lose, the fact that your boss suggested you apply, and you think you aren't good enough, ask your boss why they think you can do it? Think of it as a secondment perhaps, a side step that has opportunity to learn and grow some more?

I left a secure long term job once I found a new job, as I needed to know myself that my skills and knowledge were relevant and transferrable and guess what, they where, I was valued and appreciated and my new boss was the best boss I had to date... nothing is guaranteed, but when you have others that believe in you, just think about it and wonder why? it must be true, you are wonderful and great at what you do!

[utopia]

I don't believe your coworkers would say or even think those thoughts @SadLorikeet.

Your negative self talk will say those things though.  One thing I've learnt about my negative self talk - is that it's ALWAYS Wrong! Always. 

Focus on what you would achieve,  If you applied for this job: knowing your boss knows you're good enough for this position,  attending an interview and honing your skills,  thinking of all your strengths,  selling yourself.  How wonderful a feeling that could be. 

Why not try telling your negative self talk to shut up,  and you start thinking about all those skills and strength that you do have. 

I wish you well.