Listening to triggering music

[rav3n]

@creative_writer hmm i see what you mean, hearing that they exist vs actually meeting/seeing those people is different. have you attended social events like this before? or have you ever met/dated/liked someone? or is this whole concept very new to you?

by companionship/friendship, are you saying you're up for marriage stuff but just not the physical and/or sexual intimacy part?

[creative_writer]

@rav3n it is true I don’t socialise much, this is probably one of the reasons why my parents are pushing to connect with the community. I haven’t ever dated and have never had serious feelings for anyone. People may think it’s weird that I haven’t dated, but it’s very normal for people from my culture to not date until marriage dating. Marriage dating is when you get to know the person before marriage in a controlled environment with the intention of making sure both parties are compatible for marriage. It probably also adds why SA left me feeling a bit yucky. I’ve grown up trying to be a practising Muslim.

I can do the friendship side of marriage, and some physical touch. But sexual intimacy feels too scary. 1) I’m afraid of being triggered. 2) I’m afraid of feeling like an object and being exploited

[creative_writer]

Why does it hurt so much?

[Ru-bee]

Hey @creative_writer sitting with you

I'm sorry you're hurting right now, I'm here to listen if it would help to talk about what's going on you right now

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee how do you heal from trauma?

[Ru-bee]

I wish I had an answer for you that you haven't heard before @creative_writer 

I know that you're on a journey of healing now, and that it could take a really long time to feel "healed", but I also know that you're putting in work and taking steps towards healing and I do really think it's just about putting one foot in front of the other, until one day you realise you're at your destination. And the path you take and any detours or pit stops along the way won't be the same as anyone else's, because I don't think healing looks the same for any two people.

Again, I wish I had a more satisfying or conclusive answer for you

[rav3n]

hey there @creative_writer sending you gentle hugs 💜

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee @rav3n I’m just tired of being sad, I’m tired of memories intruding in my brain. I’m tired of feeling as though I have done something wrong even though I haven’t. I think I have OCD. It’s exhausting having to fight all the time

[rav3n]

awh i wish i could make the tiredness disappear for you @creative_writer i can imagine that carrying all this on your own while also being sick hasn't been easy, and i hope that at least in the forums you can feel a tiny bit of that heaviness lifted off. 

one small step at a time is more than enough. we're here for you. 

is there anything you can do tonight to help lift some of that tiredness away?

[creative_writer]

@rav3n so far I’ve taken a shower and washed some clothes. Otherwise I’ve just been doing regular things like watching TV, prayers. I’m feeling better today, not the best. I think the antibiotics were contributing to the lightheadedness and grogginess. I didn’t realise antibiotics could give you that drowsy feeling.

Not entirely sure what to do to lift the tiredness. My plans include dinner, prayer and probably watching some more TV. I’m trying to stay cool too, it’s so hot in Melbourne. Not sure what else to do, emotions can be hard