Something’s not right
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01-03-2021 11:38 AM
01-03-2021 11:38 AM
I think I might be done
I ran away again on Friday night. I threw a few emergency things in a supermarket bag and bolted while he was out in the back yard smoking. I actually did it early that morning but succumbed to the begging and came home at lunchtime. By 10pm I'm backing out of the driveway with no plan.
I went to his place. After 15 minutes aimless driving I remembered I had his key on my set. His townhouse on the other side of the city that he hasn't been back to in almost a year. It has no internet or hot water and is hotter than hades. I barely got through the weekend with two fans and and icepack. It's a lot further from my work than my place and there are bridge tolls each way but at least I'm safe from his tyrades.
He hasn't tried to get in touch, which bothers me considering what he often threatens.
This morning I have sent a VERY long email to him. I decided that someone had to call him out about the childish, irrational and menacing way he deals with everyone, including me. Someone needed to present him with a few home truths and, in consultation with his father, I decided that ultimately I was the one with nothing to lose. If he walks out on me as a result it certainly wouldn't be the worst thing that's ever happened.
A few brief exerpts:
I know you are unaware of how menacing and belligerent you sound. To try to give you some context, most people go their entire lives without having the police or an ambulance called for them, or having security escort them from a premises, or have call centre workers cry and hang up on them or have their childrens' teachers refuse to return their calls.
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01-03-2021 08:39 PM
01-03-2021 08:39 PM
Re: I think I might be done
@SJT63Wishing you well SJT63. Dont forget to look after you first.xx
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02-03-2021 08:05 AM - edited 02-03-2021 08:05 AM
02-03-2021 08:05 AM - edited 02-03-2021 08:05 AM
Re: I think I might be done
Oh @SJT63
I worry about you...please, please, please stay safe. Yes you do have choices and hell YES you are brave xox
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02-03-2021 03:53 PM
02-03-2021 03:53 PM
Re: I think I might be done
Wishing you the best @SJT63💗It's great to hear that you're seeing how you do have choices
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03-03-2021 08:57 AM
03-03-2021 08:57 AM
Re: I think I might be done
Hello @SJT63
What you said really resonated as I have been in a toxic previous relationship and frightened at times throughout...are you ok? Are you safe for now?
Are you able to see more clearly away from the situation?
Here to listen if you need an ear?
Take care hun x
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03-03-2021 12:26 PM
03-03-2021 12:26 PM
Re: I think I might be done
@Anastasia @Former-Member @greenpea
It's been 5 days and I'm ready to go home. I need my own bed and my own bathroom.
He called me Monday to ask if I was coming home to cook dinner for his sons, otherwise he'd have to put them off. This told me he hadn't read the email so I asked and was told it was too distressing.
He tried to blackmail me saying he was out of meds and couldn't go to the pharmacy and there was no milk and not much to eat. There are always half a dozen meals in my freezer, he means he's out of cakes and biscuits. He can drive 7 hours for medicinal herbs he can drive 10 mintues to Woollies. The shops are less than a k away.
He also said I was preventing him from seeing the boys, whereas the only thing preventing him seeing the boys was his embarassment. That was Monday.
Texts yesterday:
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03-03-2021 12:45 PM
03-03-2021 12:45 PM
Re: I think I might be done
Oh gosh @SJT63
you are so brave!!!!
Yes you absolutely should be able to be in your own home. Your plan sounds good, please stick to it, you deserve to be treated with respect and if you are not then he needs to go. Simple, but I understand that it isn't. It took me years to leave my ex and the damage caused still rears it's ugly head. Promise you'll stay safe,
Good luck and hugs and love xox
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04-03-2021 10:22 AM
04-03-2021 10:22 AM
Re: I think I might be done
@Anastasia @Shaz51 @greenpea @Former-Member
not so brave.
I went home. He wouldn't let me speak to him about my boundaries in any detail. He doesn't understand what's going on and I've made him sick.
He kept me awake until after 10 regaling me with the latest gripes (while I'm quietly having a panic attack in the dark) and woke me just before 5am because he was cold.
All of the things I complain of, which I've never really been given the chance to speak to him about, have been thrown back at me as complaints about my behaviour.
He lives in constant fear of upsetting me
His best is never good enough for me
I don't really love him if I behave in this way
I am trying to sabotage our relationship
I am not given the chance to speak, and when I said to him "but that's how I feel" he says I'm just mimicking him.
His answer to my pointing out that he won't get is own way with any organisations by either ignoring them or bullying them was to give me his power of attorney so that I can make them do what he wants.
Unfortunately I can't remember in what context now, I was quite upset at the time, he said that if something did or didn't happen (so sorry I can't remember what) then I would have to leave.
I don't want to leave. It was my house for 10 years before I met him.
It's not his fault he's so ill, I know that. My responses to him aren't his fault. I need to be more understanding. I will try.
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04-03-2021 11:47 AM
04-03-2021 11:47 AM
Re: I think I might be done
Oh @SJT63
I am so sorry but this sounds like a classic case of him gaslighting you!!!
Tagging @Faith-and-Hope as she will be a better judge but I really feel like you are going around in circles and until you leave him things will not improve...please Faith can you provide some wisdom here?
Love and hugs S, my heart breaks for you and I am concerned, like REALLY concerned for you and your safety xoxo
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04-03-2021 06:40 PM
04-03-2021 06:40 PM
Re: I think I might be done
@SJT63 it sounds like you've been going through a really tough situation- one that's been going on for a while, and I'm sorry.
If what's going on starts to feel too distressing though, please don't hesitate to reach out for support, because you really deserve that. There's 1800Respect (1800 737 732), Womensline (1800 811 811) or Sane's Helpcentre if you'd just like to speak to someone 1:1.
Wishing you the strength and courage to do whatever you may need to and hoping things improve for you very soon. Take care 🌸