I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I saw my CM today. She said that I seem calmer. I don’t have that angry persona. My Pdoc said the anti-depressant was causing it. Maybe she is right. Maybe I just can’t have any AD’s. 

I’ve managed to do a little bit today but nowhere near what I needed to do. I’m back sitting on the lounge. This is where I need to learn self compassion. One step forward is acknowledge that I need it instead of not thinking of it. I’m still not sure in the deserving it. I can’t bring myself to change that thought. 

[Ru-bee]

@Captain24 I hear you, it can be really hard to show ourselves compassion, and even harder to believe that we're deserving of it (even though we all are). I wonder if you can practice showing yourself compassion anyway, and then with time, bit by bit, you may be able to feel that you are deserving. A bit of a fake it till you make it situation. 

[Captain24]

I’m not sure what self compassion is. Or how to do it @Ru-bee. 

[Ru-bee]

Self compassion can take lots of different forms. Maybe today self compassion can look like telling yourself it's okay that you didn't get everything done @Captain24 

A helpful trick when you find your inner voice being hard on yourself is to imagine you're talking to a friend who is going through exactly what you're going through right now. I know I notice my inner voice changes to a much kinder, gentler and less judgmental one when I begin thinking about what I might say to a friend. 

Another practice that helps me when I catch my inner voice starting to get nasty is to stop and internally say "No! Don't be mean!" It feels a bit like scolding a little kid but it helps to reset my thoughts and allow me to take a beat and continue in a more gentle and compassionate way. It's something that can take ongoing practice, but it gets easier with time

[Captain24]

I did get some stuff today so that is an achievement. I have to aim for getting out of bed at 8 (psych orders) I have done that for two days. @Ru-bee I guess acknowledge that is self complete. 

I’ve tried talking to myself as I would my best friend but I keep reverting to myself. It’s like I can’t imagine my friend being so useless. I really am trying but it just feels like something else I fail at. 

[Ru-bee]

It is hard @Captain24, I know. But acknowledging those wins is great, maybe a better method for you to practice some self compassion is to focus on your wins and spotlight those every day, rather than on the things you weren't able to do that day. 

Honestly just taking those steps is great! Completely changing a routine is hard and can take time! I find it's most helpful to make sustainable and lasting changes by making those changes incrementally. Maybe breaking it down to focus on one element until you've got that down, and then moving on to the next.

So just focusing getting out of bed at 8 is awesome. If you can do others things that day your psych suggested, great! If not that's okay because you've ticked off the one change you're focusing on! then maybe next week you keep waking up at 8 and then add in another change that you focus on doing each day. 

What do you reckon?

[Captain24]

That sounds doable @Ru-bee. I will try and focus on what I have done right.

I did just stuff up because I went and had a nap. I’m not suppose to but it was the best thing for my mood. I am beating myself up. I hate letting people down. 

I’ll feed the dogs and then I’ll probably go back. 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24  🙂

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme 

How’s things? 

[tyme]

No way.. guess who is sitting with me? @Captain24