I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I had a couple of amazing psychs while I was in there. I received an unbelievable amount of support. @rav3n. Support like I have never seen before. It’s what made me fire my psych and get my new one. 

[rav3n]

oh no that must've been a bit scary to witness, hope you're okay as well @ArraDreaming wishing a quick recovery for your kiddo! 💙

does you kiddo have to wear a cast or something for a while?

[ArraDreaming]

Full arm cast and sling @rav3n it’s a real heavy one and he’s in a lot of pain
Next week will get that taken off for a fiber glass lighter one for I think 5 weeks
They also put pins in that will be removed in 4 months @rav3n

[rav3n]

oooft yep sounds rough, little kids are so resilient with this stuff, he sounds like he's handling it like a champ! fingers crossed the fiber glass one is bit more comfortable for him.

i'm heading off now @ArraDreaming hope you have a lovely weekend 💙

[Captain24]

I’ve done well this morning. I woke up at 8:30 because I didn’t set an alarm and wanted to wake up when I was ready. 

I have changed the sheets and doona cover in my bed. 

I’ve had a shower and washed my hair. Can’t remember the last time I washed it. 

I have fully unpacked from being in hospital. I have left the suitcase on the bed ready to pack before I go on holidays in 4 weeks. 

I have done a load of washing and I have cleaned my bathroom.

I still feel really low but I’m allowing myself to be proud of what I have accomplished. 

I hope I’m finally on the right track. Fingers crossed 🤞 

[Captain24]

Well I stuffed up. After very productive morning and me thinking I’m doing heaps better, I’ve just woken up from a sleep. 

I have let people down and I hate that. I need to get stronger and not just fall into old ways. I will never get better at this rate. 

[Jynx]

Hey @Captain24 what is happening for you hun? 'Stuffed up' how? And btw, no matter what 'stuff ups' you've had this evening, that doesn't undo the accomplishments of your productive morning.

Perhaps one of the things you need is to stop putting so much pressure on yourself!!

Here for you hun 💜

[Captain24]

Hey @Jynx 

My psych said absolutely no sleeping during the day. I respect this psych so I feel like I have let her down. I can even see her face. Hopefully I get better at doing the right thing.

I did do a lot so that is impressive and while I had to push myself to the limits to do, it did feel good. 

I have made stuff easier for tomorrow though. 

I also have gotten all my bills up to date. Which I have been putting off. So that’s a big bonus. Plus now I’m putting money in each pay so it doesn’t happen again.

I got a fine in the mail for not stopping at a stop sign in Auburn. It was the rego for my lancer and I never drive it. So I rang up to question it and she said are you sure it wasn’t you. My response was the fact that I didn’t even know where Auburn is. All I know is it’s in Sydney. She pulled up the photo and it was a totally different car so she wiped it off my records. 

Im sitting here now building lego. 

How are you? 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 Ah gotcha. Hey, not letting your psych down is a totally valid motivation - so long as it doesn't also become a point of beating yourself up every time you don't quite reach your goal! You will get better at it hun, it's not about 'always achieving the goal' but about always giving it a go. Consistency is key!

Heck yes!! Focus on that good feeling! So proud of you for the efforts today hun, sounds like you smashed it!

Oh phew! Glad you had the energy to fight the ticket hey. Sometimes, esp if I'm struggling, when stuff like that happens I literally just think to myself 'I would pay to not have to deal w this' and that's kinda what happens.

Oooh new set? Whatcha building?

I'm alright, had a really nice evening last night - I just bought a brazier, so I had a friend over and we spent like 7 hours just building and watching the fire. So I'm all smokey today, which is one of my fav smells!

[Captain24]

I like her to much to fail her. My old psych I just didn’t care. I wasted 18months with her @Jynx. I can’t believe I was so stupid to put up with that but she was my first psych and I didn’t know it was not ok. 

I will try better tomorrow. I’m going to have to start journaling more often so I can remember what I have and haven’t done at our next appointment. I might try and get down there every 6 weeks to see her face to face. 

I am proud of standing up for myself rather than just letting it go. It was $310. 

Getting my bills sorted feels like I’m sorting out my life. So that feels like I have something under control. I’m hoping the rest of my life follows. It’s just one stressor that is sorted. 

Im building Bumblebee from the transformers. I’m halfway there. It’s hurting my back though as I have to sit in a bar stool at the kitchen bench because Jett is an arsehole and keeps taking the pieces! 

What is a brazier? Sounds like a good night though. I don’t like the smell of smoke but I get when you have a smell that you like and keep smelling yourself!! I have a red frog candle burning! Plus I’ve had to turn the air con up, it’s starting to get a little cold here. It’s suppose to be -1 in the morning.