Don’t want to accept the pain

[Ru-bee]

Hey @creative_writer I'm glad that things are starting to slow down a bit. It's so interesting to hear that you find that light makes things heightened for you, though I suppose it makes sense as it's stimulating a sense, particularly bright lights. 

Do you have anything on this afternoon, or are you just able to relax and take it easy?

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee I also have ASD and ADHD, I am usually very sensitive to light. I've had a number of times when I got too much light exposure and it affected my mental health. My light sensitivity has probably made it difficult to regulate my circadian rhythms. I have to wear blue light blocking red glasses at night. It also helps to carry around amber glasses (for indoors) and sunglasses in case the light feels too much.

I think I'll be taking this afternoon easy, my head is still feeling heavy. I just had a shower, washed some delicate clothes, I need to hang the clothes dry. Otherwise it'll probably be prayer, dinner, I also have people around if I need a distraction. Might watch TV if my eyes start behaving a bit more, prefer watching things on the big screen, but it can be a bit bright with a migraine. Laptops and phones are easier to dim

[creative_writer]

My mind is speeding up a bit. I need to calm my nervous system by breathing. What I feel isn’t real in my body, my mind is just traumatised

[creative_writer]

The agitation may be less intense but it persists. I don’t know why I can’t shake it off

[rav3n]

hey @creative_writer i hear that those intrusive thoughts have been racing around. has there been anything that's helped in managing those recently?

[creative_writer]

@rav3n I’ve been trying to use self care and PRN. I haven’t taken a PRN today so far. I’m finding it hard though, I want the pain to stop. I want this yucky feeling to go away, I don’t know how much longer I can take it

[creative_writer]

I can’t give in

[Jynx]

Pssst... You GOT THIS @creative_writer 😎💜

[rav3n]

@creative_writer i agree with jynx, you got this!! 

i'm really glad that you're working hard to stay safe, i know it's not easy. even if its taking things minute by minute, second by second - each moment is a win. sitting with you 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx @rav3n

Content/trigger warning

my mind drifted to how I could end it all in my bedroom. I need to do something else that is creative instead of thinking about ways.

 Maybe it’s just been a long day, it’s just hard to get myself settled. I’m safe for now, though I have mixed feelings about staying safe. It’s sort of a push and pull thing