Don’t want to accept the pain

[creative_writer]

@rav3n I feel very jittery and my heart is racing. It’s hard to slow down even though I know jumping from one place to another won’t help my migraine. My mind won’t stop thinking

Maybe I do need to accept that even though my mental health struggles have shaped me and have caused a lot of growth, it has still been a painful process. I have lost and gained. In a way I feel grateful about how much I’ve grown, but at the same time I feel a sense of loss

[rav3n]

@creative_writer i think a lot of what you mentioned pretty much sums up what human evolvement looks like. we gain and we lose things. we experience pain and we learn. it's very much apart of our growth, we would never be able to move forward without accepting and learning from the past. 

the one quote that helps me get through is remembering that without the lows, we wouldn't know the value of the highs in our life. 

[creative_writer]

@rav3n the past can teach us a lot, even in situations where one was not at fault.

I do feel like I have pain trapped in me, it feels suffocating. It’s hard feeling agitated. If I did not have any purpose in my life, I would’ve given up by now

[rav3n]

@creative_writer it's hard when that pain is bottled up and stored in our mind and body. have there been healthy ways that help you relieve that pain? 

if you don't mind me asking, what do you think is the purpose of your life? and when did you discover it? (i find the 'purpose of life' topic really interesting but no pressure if you don't want to share!)

[creative_writer]

@rav3n I’m struggling to. Like I’ve tried reaching out for support, but I still feel something stuck to me. Maybe words can’t release it. I still feel overwhelmed. I don’t want to have to take PRN again, but I don’t know if I have a choice. I’m resisting the urges for now, but not sure how long I can do this for.

My faith gives me purpose to go on. I also have career aspirations and want to be a therapist. There is more I want to achieve from life

[Jynx]

Stopping by to send you some hugs @creative_writer 

🫂🫂🫂

[rav3n]

hmm i wonder if something sort of physical activity might help with releasing pain from your body? @creative_writer sometimes a movement-based outlet helps, whether its yoga, pilates, cardio, sports, dance, weight-lifting, etc. from my experience, a lot of our negative feelings tend to sit in our body and cause tension, aches, restlessness, etc. and finding a type of movement that works for you could help? 

really glad you've got your faith and career aspirations keeping you going. i know that overwhelming feeling isn't easy to push away, just know that you will be okay. the feeling is uncomfy but it will pass.

[creative_writer]

Hi @Jynx nice to see you this evening 💖🫂. I hope you are well.

@rav3n gentle stretches are probably the safest for me right now with a migraine. I reckon maybe the mixed mood state is causing some discomfort. It’s hard enough feeling depressed. But when depression accompanies restlessness and racing thoughts, it is hard. I’m still trying to fight urges to do things I shouldn’t do, it’s exhausting. If I give in I will never be able to reach my aspirations. My faith also protects me. At least it’s the end of the day and I don’t have much longer till it’s time for bed

[creative_writer]

I am tired of brain clutter. These thoughts are loud and racing

[creative_writer]

My brain is finally starting to slow down. I have my amber glasses on, I’m so sensitive to light during mania and migraines. Light makes things worse, it’s weird. I feel like there might be a seasonal thing going on here too, long days can trigger manic symptoms. I have been keeping my blinds down too since it’s so bright outside.

I’m trying to sort through my mind. I just hope with time it gets easier to not get stuck in rumination over the past and OCD around feeling sinful and disgusting. I don’t think I’ve found a way around it yet, maybe one day, but not today