Don’t want to accept the pain

[Ru-bee]

It's really understandable that you'd be feeling uncertain about this @creative_writer especially considering your parent's misgivings about therapy. 

I think talking about this stuff is always going to be so complicated and difficult, but that doesn't mean that it's wrong. 

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee I guess I also come from a culture where parents are respected, challenging them is frowned upon. Family is complicated, you can love them but sometimes trauma comes from the family even if it’s unintentional. Being overprotective towards kids can feel a bit controlling for kids. Another thing that bothers me, maybe it’s not my place to say. Children are expected to apologise when they do something wrong, but parents don’t have that obligation and will likely not apologise as often

[creative_writer]

I’m in physical pain from migraine but my body can’t tolerate pain meds 🤕. It’s been triggered by bipolar and lack of sleep

[creative_writer]

I am having body flashbacks but feel unfazed. Am I too disconnected to care?

[Ru-bee]

Hey @creative_writer it sounds like this lack of reaction in itself is a bit unsettling?

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee it’s a strange reaction. Shouldn’t I be hating the experience rather than feeling indifferent?

[Ru-bee]

Maybe it is a form of self protection @creative_writer?  

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee I believe I’ve had times where I denied having body flashbacks, even though I was. I am not currently denying them, my mind is probably still trying to protect me. I guess maybe feeling unfazed makes it seem like I don’t mind having the body flashback, but I know I’m just too exhausted right now to go into fight and flight mode

[creative_writer]

I don’t know if it’s a trauma response. I feel like the older I get, the harder it is to connect with people, I say to myself I’m better off alone. When I’m struggling, it’s even hard to pick up the phone to a helpline or even chat online to a helpline. I just don’t relate to people and often feel misunderstood. I’m better off feeling lonely from being alone than feeling lonely when surrounded by people. Ending up alone is hardly the worst thing. Besides I’m safer alone

[creative_writer]

If only I could be understood by my family