Lived Experience Forum

[outlander]

Am i really that selfish and that awful? 

ive been told 3 different things today and its not even lunch time. 

1. i asked for some help to check in on pop while im away on the weekend and i got called selfish for it becasue my main priority should be pop. 

2. Then pop joined in and agreed. 

3.  i got asked what i was studying, so i told them and their response was 'why, what are you going to do with it, youve already got a job and other commitments' 

[Sophia1]

@outlander

The answer to your question is most definitely ....irreversibly.....NO...

You are a caring, empathic. loving person who I am sorry to write this...is clearly being taken advantage of...

Your family are playing on the fact that you will internalise it all as your fault..

They want you to do it all so it frees them up....by allowing you to feel guilty...they feel that takes any guilt away from them...

This is quite a common occurrence within families...

Probably even moreso within a carer situation..

Carers Australia will reaffirm everything that I have written...

It is a mind game played by controlling people...be it other family members who could make themselves available occasionally to relieve the pressure on you....as it is not your job..

Or sadly sometimes those being cared for can also become a part of the scene...

I am sure that your pop does not mean to as we all know only too well how much he loves you...

it happens to some people who lose their independence...age...sometimes it is a start of an illness...sometimes it is just aging itself..

Dearest Outlander ...I wonder what you would write if I asked you after reading what I have said...hopefully not distressing you...this I mean sincerely...

if I asked you to answer the question yourself as though you were responding to me...

Would you do that exercise?

[Appleblossom]

Sorry you had to deal with all that @outlander

My pressed lips emoticon is for learning.

Not that you are selfish, as @Sophia1 pointed out, there are guidelines with Carers Australia and respite and personal growth are important, for every carer, but especially at your age.

The think you mught take away from that experience, might be that those people are not safe, to share those things with again.

Sad if It is family.

Or at least wait until you see some turn around before letting them into those kind of plans, and stick with services.

[outlander]

thank you @Sophia1 @Appleblossom im not so sure im in a good state to respond how i normally would. my head is a mess, ive had an argument with mum.

Soph in this headspace my only thoughts as to how to answer that is to talk myself out of things that i am thinking like running away, sh, and just keep up with my safety plan.

and no nothing you guys have said is distressing me, i just cant 'absorb' things properly...

[BlueBay]

Hi @outlander you’re in a difficult position. You are a caring empathetic person looking after your pop. 

Dont listen to comments from your family about your studies. You will succeed in your studies and get a job you love to do. 

I think the other family members should hrlp out. You can’t do it all alone. 

Thinking of you. Take care lovely @outlander ❤️❤️

[utopia]

Not supportive at all,  for you  @outlander

[outlander]

thank you @utopia @BlueBay

i had a big argument with my mother today. wasnt about this though, about something else. this really sucks, and my mh tells me im worth nothing so its even harder to fight those thoughts

[BlueBay]

@outlander I’m sorry you had a fight with your mum. It can be hard. 

But you are worthy you’re nit nothing. 

Can you do something to make you feel ok? Bath? Listen to music?

you are worthy of everything. ❤️❤️

Xxoo 

[Appleblossom]

 @outlander

Try and keep negative thoughts at a distance. They might be there but dont let them get inside ... if you know what i mean.

[outlander]

thanks @BlueBay i wish i could believe that
im going to have another shower and see if it helps with pain and maybe put a movie on after that...