Lived Experience Forum

[Therippleeffect]

I was diagnosed with severe depression and chronic anxiety 18 months ago, after being the subject of both physical and mental abuse within my workplace for a period of 7 years.

I did not speak to my wife or my friends of it, and when I tried to sought it out within my workplace the complaints I made fell on deaf ears and eventually I was made to feel that what I was thinking was just " in my head " .

Eventually it came to a head and I completely broke down at work, curled up in a ball and sobbed out 7 years of pain.

I went to my G.P, was diagnosed and sent to a mental health counsellor who in turn referred me on to a psychologist.

It was at this stage that my wife then asked me to move out as she could not support me financially while I was not working. I was totally dumbfounded by this and agreed to do so as she said that once things had settled down that I could move back in. Two weeks later my wife she told me that we were now seperated and that she did not want to get back together This shattered my already  troubled mind and sent me into absolute free fall.

After 6 months and two failed attempts on my life and many many sessions with my psychologist and counsellor, things were not better but I was beginning to develop strategies to cope with the new world I had found myself in.

A few months later I returned to work ( the instigator of my problems had been terminated) but it was extremelly tough for me. Not only was my head in a mess but my marriage of 20 years was been severely pressured as my wife had filed for divorce. 

I tried my hardest to keep functioning as per " normal " but I was really struggling with seemingly no end or relief in sight. My work suffered and I continually started taking sick days to try and cope. But it was not working....

Then the knock out blow came , my divorce went through the court process and my mother was diagnose with lymphatic and lung cancer ( 30 % survival chance )all in the one week.

That finished me off.

I was now officially a mess. Days at work seemed mind numbing and nights at home were cold and lonely ( even with friends around ). 

Now three days ago my workplace has told me to take 6 months off ( unpaid ) and get my life soughted out. 6 months !!!

I have never felt so worn out and  broken in all my life, all in the space of 18 months.

A ship lost at sea.

[Mulgajane]

Hi @Therippleeffect

what can I say to such a story? You really are in strife.

I can say that I have been to hell and back again and that I am a better person for it. I found solace in the advice of my elders. If I were you, I would go looking for folk older and wiser than you and ask them a question and sit back and listen. Listen really hard.

People have the answers - go forth in your little boat and find them.

You are not sunk yet.

[utopia]

@Therippleeffect. Sorry to hear you have had such a rotten time in the last 18 months.  All very big triggers and hard to deal with one of them,  let alone all of it piling up. 

I'm pleased to hear that you have some skills you've learnt from your therapy.  Keep focusing on that. 

I really hope things settle down for you soon. 

[Thy]

A ship lost at sea can always be found - life deals some pretty shit hands sometimes but trust that things will get better, as inevitably they will.

My favourite quote when I feel like you are feeling:

I am strong because I am weak.

I am beautiful because I know my flaws.

I am a lover because I am a fighter.

I am fearless because I have been afraid.

I am wise because I have been foolish.

And I can laugh because I’ve known sadness.