Red's house

[The-red-centaur]

Nearly finished packing my house. 

Going through my stuff is hard. All the sentimental things and stuff that bring memories. Some good. Some not so good. 

I need to learn to let some things go. To stop bringing my pain and past with me everywhere. It's ok to move on, Red. I don't have to drag it around. Drop the baggage and travel lighter. Metaphorical and physically. 

There is stuff I brought from tassie years ago that hold a lot of pain and trauma, but that stuff really isn't that important. I should just get rid of it. I want to move on with my life so letting the past go will make things not so heavy. I can stop looking back I guess. 

With the new year it will bring new, exciting things. 

I may feel alone. But there are those around that care. Even the people paid to support me wouldn't keep working in this house if we didn't get on or they didn't value me. 

[Jynx]

@The-red-centaur ohhhh big transitional moment for ya!! Thanks for sharing 😊

Moving house is always such a time hey 😵 But it's definitely a good opportunity to let stuff go!! I am building up to doing a big household CULL... gotta get vicious and not let my sentimentality win 😅

Aww it warms me to know how connected you feel with your supports. Even if it is a professional relationship, it doesn't mean it's not special or meaningful! 

Big love to ya hun! 💜

[The-red-centaur]

My head has been chaotic lately. Lots of conflicting thoughts and feelings. I feel fake. I can't make up my mind. 

Like I'm proud of how far I've come ...but I'm also terrified. It's hard to keep it up. I'm tired. Memories hurt my head. Being sick having to rest is hard. I usually distract the hell out of myself but I'm spending lot of time in bed. Urghhh. Brain decide you what you want and be done with it. Not all this chaos plz

[tyme]

True that @The-red-centaur ,

The brain can be a pretty powerful thing, eh?

I'm glad you can also recognise how far you have come.

[The-red-centaur]

Move day. It's 37° today...I'm so glad I'm miving to a house with air con. It's going be 40 tomorrow too so yeh. 

I've been up since 430 coz I'm really stressed about it. I'm taking a break from checking and rechecking everything. Urghhhh. Just calm the farm red. 

[The-red-centaur]

Everything is toooo loud. 

I can't 

I just can't. 

Make it stopppppp

Ngunsjrcnidnsncisnsndhehdbjffbfj 

!!

[The-red-centaur]

Sighhh i cnat deal with my head. There si just too much noise. It hurts. I just need everything to like stop. Life can fick off. Everything can fick off. Why won't it fcking stop. 

I. Done. 

[The-red-centaur]

I've been so self absorbed.....I should just go.....

[The-red-centaur]

Urghhh i can't get support work attention. I just can't life rn. 

I'm sorry I just don't know what to do. I'm sory for existing for being a pain for everything. Um I just shouldn't even be here. So many other people need this rn. 

I'm sorry e y. 

[The-red-centaur]

I'm so tired. I can't sleep. I was overwhelmed yesterday and just couldn't deal. I'm over life rn. I don't want to exist.