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  • Author : tyme
  • Support : 1
  • Topic : Managing thoughts of suicide & self-harm
12 Jun 2023 12:45 AM
Community Lead

Hi @Needhope ,

 

That sounds like a very difficult situation to face.

 

It also sounds like your daughter is finding some way to express her hurt and sees that it is in somewhat her father's fault. Hence, in her mind, she probably believes if you remove him from the equation, she will be well (yes, she may at first, but that doesn't last).

 

Another reason for this request is that she is probably very attached to you. When she sees you speak to your husband, it is well known that it can stir up feelings of abandonment and jealousy.

 

Moving forward, it is important you set clear boundaries. For example, if you do not want to leave your husband (it is unreasonable for this request to be made), then let her know so. When she is calm, let her know "I know you wanted me to leave your dad because you don't think he is supportive. In what ways do you want him to support you? I want to make it clear that I am not leaving your father. What you choose to do is up to you. If you need help for self-harm, I can take you to the hospital. What do you think?"

 

I have been in a similar situation. Not as someone who has had these demands put on them, but one who made these demands. I was testing boundaries. I was testing to see whether people would choose me over someone else. I was in an emotional mess so I wanted to 'control' things around me. However, I needed someone to stand strong and tell me NO. I needed someone who would not waiver because of my emotions. Inside, I know that whether these changes are made or not, it really won't change how I feel in the long run. My threat to self-harm was because I was seeking control. I was an emotional mess.

 

At this time, @Needhope , stand strong in what you believe in and what is right by you. Empower your daughter by telling putting it all out on the table what will happen, and stick to those boundaries. e.g. "Your dad is my support at this time. I am not leaving him. I know you are hurting. I am here to support you. If you choose to self-harm, that's a choice you have made. I hope you can consider that I need support at this time."

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