Thanks @peace 

i always drive with my music at a ridiculously high volume. I drove up to the hills and around and back, i enjoy driving up there, seems to free my mind a little.

Unfortunately i can't work around her, she doesn't respond to messages, and my friends are all listening to her side of things a little bit too much, so i can't even see them, as they don't want to see me.

it hurts alot

more pain then i have had to endure before.

losing my job, then my wife  and "son" and now the icing on the cake, my friends.

it is so painful in a place i never knew existed in me.

but every day without fail my mask of okayness will always prevail, it envelops me and makes me seem less of a hindrance to everyone else.

sorry i an really bummed out at the moment......

haha i just realized my "poetry" gibberish awakens when my mood displaces to a real low

interesting, sorry i am wandering off course

for now

Thank you