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  • Author : swift
  • Support : 1
  • Topic : Friends, families and carers
02 Jun 2014 01:20 AM
Casual Contributor

Things are in a good place with my partner - X - who continues to go to counselling therapy and shows improvement upon improvement. After a great many years I finally feel that I'm experiencing some sort of 'dividend' in our relationship, in that we are more and more getting to a place and maintaining something that seems normal in relation to X's anxiety disorder and I don't have to walk around like on eggshells everyday. There are ups and downs of course, but overall things travelling well.

However, oddly, I find myself on some days deeply unhappy. This of course could have any number of reasons, but I can't help feeling like I am on the outside of a relationship. We talk, we have a lot of love in our family, those who depend on us are well, so in that sense we're blessed. But I feel the core attention I crave at times, not all the time - just sometimes, is simply not possible and I don't know that it ever will be. The anxiety is always centre stage, like some hungry animal always needing attention, tending, and maintenance, even if it seems mostly under control these days. 

My response is to throw myself into work and to picking up more and more of the tab at home with domestics. That works most of the time, but sometimes, like today, I wake up feeling just awful and wanting to cry. There's a chance I need to do some work on myself right now to catch up with what is still reltively new dynamic in our home. To move to a different gear and look for new opportunities to grow. 

Anyone else going through similar?

 

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