Lived Experience Forum

[Redjaded3]

Hi guys,

Man I've been looking for a place to vent into lately feels like I'm yelling at the sky but I can't hear myself. I started off with PTSD as a kid from abuse and neglect, grew up and got depression, substance abuse, anxiety and a psychotic episode. I really have come a long way though. I've given up hard core stuff and only drink a little, or vape.. I'm tryna quit smoking herb but it's been a guilty pleasure of mine during an emotionally rough time. Having relationship problems and overall internal life crises..tryna stay at my job even though anxiety been on me, and I'm tryna love my family even when something in my head tells me it's not worth it.. whilst also trying to fix my life and act like I'm somewhat okay... I haven't been on medication in months but that's because I've been self medicating.. I keep telling myself I can quit and I know I will I just got so much to do and undo... aggggh.... I'm 25, just travelling through life atm tryna figure out where to go.. thanks for reading 

[Ilovepenguins]

Hey @Redjaded3 Thanks for reaching out and sharing a bit of your story, you've found a great place to vent 🙂

Sorry we've been a bit slow with a response, I believe we might be on holiday mode still, I've just come back from big pause 😃

It sounds like you're holding on really tightly when things might be a bit tumultuous in your life at the moment. That takes a lot of strength and I feel you should take a moment to celebrate that strength you've found within yourself, not only now while you're reaching out but for the strength you've found to give up your past substance abuse!

We all have our vices, please don't be so hard on yourself for your 'herb' use! I use medicinal to help me through my moments of intense anxiety or insomnia, it has saved my sanity on many occasions.  

[AussieRecharger]

Hey Mate, 

Good start with venting.. a couple of things I am curious about..

Why are you self-medicating and if you are self-medicating, why do you want to quit? 

What are you trying to figure out to do? Is that just a way of saying you have too much time on your hands or do you have options and you are not sure which option to pick?  Is having to much time to think about life and not knowing what to do creating your relationship problems?

You are still pretty young, so I would be asking you to focus on what you are good at, and from what you are good at, where does that lead you in terms of opportunities? With your job, is it a job that works with your natural strengths?

[Halster]

Hi there Redjaded3...
thanks for sharing so honestly.
You are only 25 and it sounds to me like you have done a lot of stuff already.
I'm wondering if you might be being hard on yourself.
I hear you want to be love your family but wondering if that is the right thing to do maybe. I know I had to take breaks from my family where the abuse and the complex trauma happened. Doesn't mean you have to me but it helped me even though I got hassled for doing it by my family. Anyway, you don't need advice. That was simply my experience. I felt conflicted and felt like I was a bastard but my friends and partner was like this is a no-brainer... take a break.
Is the smoking harmful to you? I am wondering if it is helping you why you want to give it up. Sometimes things help us cope with difficult situations even if they aren't ideal.. I have used all sorts of things for a time... of course if they are causing a person harm that has to be considered.
I wish you the very best as you continue to work through things Redjaded3
Hal

[tyme]

Hey @Redjaded3 ,

Welcome to the forums. It takes a lot to reach out and share what's been happening.

Good on you to taking steps towards recovery.

By connecting with others on the forums, I hope you find a way to feel supported.

Looking forward to seeing you around.

tyme

[tyme]

Hi @Redjaded3 @Halster @Ilovepenguins ,

How are you all today?

[Ilovepenguins]

Hey @tyme 👋

I'm feeling much more refreshed after some time at the pool this morning, thanks for asking 😺

How was your holiday period @tyme?

@Redjaded3 @Halster @AussieRecharger what did you guys get up to over Christmas and New year's?

[tyme]

I'm in Syd and it's humid and yuck weather. @Ilovepenguins  So I'm just chilling in an air conditioned house. 

I think I prefer Melb weather.... and at least I have a pool too in Melb 🙂 

I'm glad you had time in the pool. Makes such a big difference when it's hot.

[AussieRecharger]

Spent time with family, did a theme park and also took the kids to a lot of play grounds and parks in the area. Was a really good time to take stock and refresh. 

[Redjaded3]

Thank you for your response, I don't mind late replies as I'm quite inactive on all social media fronts. 

I appreciate that advice, although i admit I'm not very good at celebrating my achievements.. sometimes I'll have a thought to myself like 'good on you' but mostly I'm so used to the critical self talk. What are some ways you celebrate your achievements? 

I try not to be so hard on myself about my herb use, but I know im using it to deal with stress and avoid difficult emotions, and sooner or later ill have to face everything head on. Do you have any tips for dealing with difficult emotions and stress? 

I appreciate your response. 

Thank you 😊