Lived Experience Forum

[Lillian56]

Hi, new to this & desperate! 

My husband & I are living with our son, 25 years old who has a mental health disorder: could be drugs we just dont know. He has a blunt effect, laughing out loud all day, delays replying, unable to hold a xonversation, eratic, impulsive, the list goes on....

This has been like this for over a year. He owns a property which he has rented. My husband & I are travelling in a caravan & he is in tow living in his van! We do not know what to do.

We phoned paramedic a few months ago because his HR was 140 & he was pacing. They decided to take him to a secure lock up for 3 days & was discharged with no diagnosing/no psychosis. Where do we go from here!!!? Any chat would help. 

[tyme]

Hey there @Lillian56 ,

We hear how difficult things are for you right now. Does your son see there's an issue? Or do you think he is too unwell to know?

Sorry for so many questions, but would he go to a GP with you to get a referral to see a psychiatrist? It sounds like he needs support, and I hear you are crying out for some guidance.

Usually, upon discharge, there is a psychiatric triage number you can call. Do you have that number for when your son is unwell and you need guidance?

Unfortunately, when it comes to mental health, unless someone is at risk, it's hard to make him an involuntary patient.

I look forward to hearing from you.

[Lillian56]

Hi, thank you for your reply,

Our son denys any knowledge of a problem. He is refusing to see a GP.

There was a card given to my son upon discharge. However I was really disappointed with his care during the 3 days he was in the secure facility. The discharge summary will only provide details to say that he is 'ok' which is what the discharge consultant said to me. I have limited faith in these scenarios due to the medications provided.

[chibam]

Hi @Lillian56 . Welcome to the forums! 🙂

Judging by what you've said about your son's previous encounter with the medicalized side of the mental health system, it makes sense that he would be reluctant to see a GP now.

Do you know what your son wants?

That can be a difficult conversation for children (even adult children) to have with their parents, as they can often be worried that the parents will react poorly to this information and that the overall conversation will be more harmful then helpful. And if you aren't in a position to help anyway, that can make it even less wise to take the risk of having such a conversation, because there's no reasonable prospect of it being productive.

When I read your comment about your son "laughing out loud all day", that resonated with me because that sounds a bit like me (except I can't sustain it for such a long period). I would guess that your son is zoning out into an imaginary world where everything is good, right and hilarious. And maybe that's because that's the only apparent avenue he has to a life that is any good.

What you need to be aware of at this point is that GPs and therapists don't actually help people fix their lives; they just try to get inside peoples' heads and monkey around with how they feel about their lives.

The people who actually help patients with their quality of life problems are called "psychosocial support", apparently. Unfortunately, these people can be very difficult to track down, and if you're a family of travellers with no fixed address, I imagine this would make the task even trickier.

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @Lillian56 . I'm sorry to hear your situation. It occurred to me that you might find help on the other SANE forum, the Friends, Family and Carers Forum? That way you might get some advice from people who have been /are in your situation, hopefully... There is also a link at the top of the page here, under "Forums Community" and under "Forums Home" a bit further down the page too.

[Lillian56]

Hi @chibam thank you for the reply,

He wants to sell his property he owns, buy another property in another area & wait for money to come his way (he had a back injury & is waiting to hear if he has won a case against an employer) so he said he doesnt want to go to work only buy a business. He is living in a fantasy world.

We are a very close & supportive family. This is completely out of character for my son to behave this way.

He will not seek help. As far as he is concerned there is nothing wrong.

I can tell you when you spend 24/7 with someone who behaves like a zombie & laughs all day it is exhaustive.

As far as I am concerned GP's do not help. They have just wrote scripts for opiods, sleeping meds & anti depressants. We have even visited a GP manager complaining that 3 GP's in the same clinic have wrote scripts for our son without reading notes

So essentially our son is loaded up! He is what the medical profession call 'a frequent flyer'

[Lillian56]

Hi 👋 great, thank you 😊 

[chibam]

---

@Lillian56 wrote:

He wants to sell his property he owns, buy another property in another area & wait for money to come his way (he had a back injury & is waiting to hear if he has won a case against an employer) so he said he doesnt want to go to work only buy a business. He is living in a fantasy world.

---

So, as I understand it, the problem is that he doesn't have enough money to buy a business like he wants? Even with the best possible outcome of his court case?

I'm afraid I'm not very good with financial stuff, so I mightn't be very helpful here.

If the problem is a lack of money to pursue his dreams, is there some financial expert he could consult with who may be able to help? Perhaps to advise him on how to get the extra money he needs, or how to get started with less funds e.g. by finding bargains. If he wants to buy a business AND a new property, perhaps he should just start off by devoting his energies to just one?

If he doesn't want to go back to work after his back injury, is that because he's still in pain? Or perhaps is traumatized by the event?

Are we talking about him returning to his old job? And if so, is he still welcome there? My dad had a coworker once who had a big accident at work and, as I understand it, he was not treated warmly when he eventually returned.

If returning to his old job isn't an option for him, then is there any way to get him into a new job? If it's a foregone conclusion that he does need to go back to work to get the money he needs, then what's his most ideal choice of a job?

---

@Lillian56 wrote:

He will not seek help. As far as he is concerned there is nothing wrong.

---

What help is there for him?

Like, to use myself as an example, I desparately need help, but I no longer seek help, because to the best of my knowledge, the help I need simply doesn't exist. So what's the point of reaching out? Maybe your son's in a similar boat. Sometimes people can misinterpret this as a stubborn refusal to reach out for help, when in reality, it's just a practical response to the futility of reaching out.

If his dreams of business and property ownership are unsatisfied, that would indicate that there is "something wrong" with his life. Perhaps he simply doesn't know what to do about it, or who to trust for assistance in making his dreams a reality.

---

@Lillian56 wrote:

As far as I am concerned GP's do not help. They have just wrote scripts for opiods, sleeping meds & anti depressants. We have even visited a GP manager complaining that 3 GP's in the same clinic have wrote scripts for our son without reading notes

So essentially our son is loaded up! He is what the medical profession call 'a frequent flyer'

---

Your not alone in that perception. A lot of people find that the medical approach to mental health doesn't do them any good (and in many cases, causes harm). As I say, whatever remedies you and your son are seeking may likely be found well away from people who medicalize unhappiness.