Lived Experience Forum

[MumofSons2]

Thank you for allowing me to join a safe space, I think this is what I’ve been looking for. I’m a wife, mother of 2 adult sons, work full time and part carer for my mum. I have suffered depression most of my life but more so since my sons are adults. I take 2 medications for my depression. The boys are my triggers and I’ve recently come out of one of the darkest periods of my life. Both boys live at home, one with their partner and that’s due to his ADHD having a hissy fit and walking away from his job then unable to pay rent. The other is in business for himself where I do the books and he is in a lot of debt both personally and with the business as well as owing us a lot of money. We would like to retire soon, but due to the amount he owes us, doubt that we ever will. I have always been there for the boys and I am their go-to but I’m exhausted. Hoping to get some support for myself on this forum ☺️

[Zoe7]

Hi @MumofSons2 That is a very tough situation to be in. I can hear your love for your boys but also the pain they are causing you. As a Mum, it would be so hard to walk away from their issues but it seems that they are impacting you immensely. Are you able to pull back a little to give yourself some space and time just for yourself? That does not mean you are being selfish but using self care. We, of course, are here for you to walk with you and support you. Welcome to the community.

[MumofSons2]

Thanks @Zoe7, I'm trying to! I have this week off work and even though I'm decluttering and sorting out things, I'm doing it at my own pace and enjoying the space while everyone is at work! 

[Zoe7]

I actually find de-cluttering or sorting things out therapeutic @MumofSons2 There is something about organisation as well as getting rid of things that are not need. I have to admit I have A LOT that probably could be thrown out or sent to the Salvos but there is also a lot of art and school things in front of all those things that need to be sorted so it will be a while until I can get to it all.

Enjoy the peace and quiet whilst you can. I suppose the challenge for you will be when everyone is home so what can you do in the evenings to help distance yourself a little bit from your boys and have some 'you time'?

[MumofSons2]

I’m a bit lost and reaching out. I’ve had a really great week, had brunch with my girlfriend today then went and visited my elderly mum then went and my nails done. Came home in a top mood! Happiest I’ve been for a very long time. I was packing away the Christmas decorations and looking for the box in the garage. For some background, my youngest son lives off the garage with his own bedroom and bathroom and treats the garage like his lounge room. It’s always such a mess and I’m always asking him to keep it tidy. Both my boys are on medicinal marajuana and this is where it’s done and I don’t condone it either. Anyway, a glass jar dropped on my foot and smashed while looking for this box. Unfortunately, I just absolutely lost it, cleaned it up then locked myself in my room crying…..and I don’t do tears! I just feel like I’m back to square one and what’s the damn point? This is how my depression spirals downward and I was doing so well. I just wish they’d all leave.