Lived Experience Forum

[Pea]

Hello to anybody out there...I am not very good at anything IT but I hope I'm doing this Sane Forum thing right

I'm alone at Christmas again this year and feeling very empty and there might be somebody out there who would want to talk about it 

Pea

[tyme]

Hey @Pea ,

Welcome to the forums! 

We are DEFINITELY not alone.

While many are celebrating, we recognise this is a very difficult and lonely time for many. 

There are certainly others to chat to here. These forums are moderated 24/7 which means someone is online all the time.

I don't celebrate christmas, so I sort of don't get the whole hullaballoo at this time. However, I respect those that do celebrate Christmas.

Christmas and New Year's were some of the most difficult times in my life in the past. I struggled both mentally and physically when it came to this period each year.

I'm here if you need a chat about it.

Do you have things that you enjoy doing?

[Pea]

I was doing really well about being on my own at Christmas but my 38 yr old son got in touch with me and I know he does this only when he wants something so he just sort of rings up and is then I'm my life treating me badly and I let him do this because I know he went through a lot of trauma when he was a little fellow because of my mental illness

I know he takes advantage of me when he wants something and I let him get away with it because I feel so guilty for him going through so much as a child

He was never neglected in any way 

I think I'm understanding that he just doesn't like me but will use me to get what he wants and then disappears for months or years with no contact until he needs something again

He comes back in my life and I'm just left devestated

I take very good care of myself

I've got lots going on and I've worked very hard to pull this life of mine together...

Art group

Poetry group

Ladies writers group

Yoga

Over 50s ladies social 

Play Backgammon

Walking

Swimming

Painting for my market stall

Going out for coffee 

But when he makes contact I'm left a mess and I just let him talk to me the way he does

I wish things were maybe getting better but it never does and I'm feeling fragile because it's Christmas time again..

Pea

[tyme]

Hey @Pea ,

It sounds like you did your best as a mother. I hope you will find a way to let go of some of that guilt - after all, he is 38 years old. If he was still in your care as a young child, I'd agree that you need to support him. 

I'm sorry that you are left feeling like this every time you are in contact with him. It doesn't sound like contact is helpful. Would you consider speaking to him about it? Or do you think this is way beyond the current situation?

You deserve the best. It sounds like you struggled as a mother, yet you never neglected your child. 

There comes a time when one has to let go in order to make the most of the now.

I'm glad you do things to keep yourself well - good on you!

[Pea]

I have another son and we have a good relationship and told me on the phone last night that he loves me and is looking forward to us seeing each other in the new year

He told me that what my other son does to me is so wrong that he has nothing to do with him anymore

He told me that everybody has problems but we don't go around treating people badly 

So I have a good relationship with my youngest son and he never does this sort of stuff to me and he had told me to move on because he is just going to keep treating me like this 😞

[Inamorata]

I’m so sorry you are going through such a hard time with your son. Christmas can make a lot of us feel really fragile. You are not alone; it’s a hard season for many. Wishing you peace. Sounds like you have so many positive things going on in your life, and a good relationship with your other son. 

[NatureLover]

Happy Christmas @Pea , there are a few of us around today, if you need company...

[NatureLover]

Welcome @Inamorata ! 🙂

[SCORPION]

Hi I know how you feel this Xmas i decided not to ring my family to see who would remember me, as i am the one who always make contact with them. This year we lost our mother an neither of my siblings contacted me nor my niece or nephew's. not even a card.

This has driven me deeper down i feel more alone than ever when you only have family left and they forget you even exist why bother with anything. when i feel this bad i usually go and do metal sculpting but dont even feel like doing that. just want to do to the world what they have done to me shut everything and everyone out, Lock the doors pull blinds down and imagine nothing exists beyond i feel so bad at the moment ist like phyisical pain it hurts so much.

[amber22]

Hey there @SCORPION 

I'm sorry that it's been tough for you this year. That does sound very hurtful, but I wanted to let you know that you definitely aren't alone here and that I'm sitting with you.

I am here to chat if you ever needed.

Is there something else other than metal sculpting that might help to make you feel a bit better or distract your mind for a little bit?

Sending lots of hugs