hi @HazelA
what helped me was to find a way to put some emotional distance between myself and my problem, to become less attached to it, which then makes it that much easier to discard
you said in your first post you were "furious" at yourself, and that's the kind of thing I mean
think of the issue as something that just "is", rather than something to get angry about
it's not your fault so there's no need to judge yourself about it
when you think of it more clinically as just a "thing" that you have, rather than something that is part of your identity, then you can more easily find strategies to deal with the problem rather than berating yourself for having it
your psychologist is right that you need to be your own safe person, but you're also right that it's impossible to do that in one step
so you break it down into smaller steps
can you find a small task that you can do on your own that you feel completely secure and comfortable doing?
do that task, and notice what that feels like, and notice that you own that feeling, it's all yours
do the task more often, and really practise feeling that security and comfort
change the task a little bit, and see if you can maintain that level of security and comfort
try a related task, or a do it in a different place, or otherwise make it more of a challenge
gradually increase the range of tasks and circumstances that you can bring that feeling to, all the time really noticing how you are feeling, and congratulating yourself for your progress
over time, that feeling of security and comfort will become more and more dominant until one day you might find that the original fear and insecurity has receded so far that it gets forgotten
does that sound like it's doable?
if you want to look it up, it's a technique called "kaizen" and it's a solid, proven way of making really big changes by taking small steps
