Lived Experience Forum

[outlander]

I havent said any names as yet. Ive only been to one session.
I cant even say their name anymore. Its like a physical block it never comes out its either him or his or some thing like that but never a name

[Phoenix_Rising]

@outlander I wonder if it would be useful to re-name the individual? I have re-named my abusive psychologist "Fred." This is because there are complex reasons why I have chosen not to report him and if I was to disclose his name to another psychologist, they would be ethically bound to report him. Hence he has become "Fred". This way I can talk freely about the muddle without any fear of anyone running off and reporting him and thus complicating my life.  

[outlander]

I never thought of that @Phoenix_Rising

Hmm i wouldnt even know what to call him

[outlander]

How did you pick a name for fred @Phoenix_Rising

[Phoenix_Rising]

@outlander I got the tip from someone else who also needed to re-name a person in her life. She told me she had named him Fred...so I named my person Fred too. It's ok if you want to name your person Fred...and then one day you too can share this tip with someone in a muddle. 

[outlander]

aww thanks @Phoenix_Rising thats very sweet of you it is a very good tip

[outlander]

So in among this compotion ivd forgotten what the psych said said at the last appointment and ive just remembered again. It was what would i like to work on first but i dont know where to start that isnt going to be completely distressing

[eth]

@outlander  I've been thinking about your question here since yesterday because I wanted to make sure I answered you in an ok way.  I think it's ok to say to the psych something like ... "Something terrible happened to me when I was      years old and I'm not ready to talk about the details just yet because it's too traumatic for me and I have no supports away from here.  But this is how it's affecting me ....."  and tell them about the tremors, flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, depression - the symptoms and functional effect of what happened that are in the present.  Hopefully your psych will be sympathetic, empathic and gentle once they understand how hard it is for you.  And not pressure you to go where you are uncomfortable at this stage.  The most important thing at the start of sessions (in my opinion) is developing some trust (that goes both ways) and establishing any boundaries you need.  A good therapist will help you to feel safe with them.

I've seen many therapists over the years and some of them have done exactly this with me.  Ask me any questions you want to and I'll try to help and support you.  I urge you to go to the appointment and will be here for you as much as I can.

[outlander]

Thank you for your advice @eth
This will be the second appointment ill have with her. They only go for 45 minutes i suppose i can last that long. Im just worried abput driving. Im tired and not in the best state. Its a 40 min drive there and back
After last night ill be asking about nighmares and flashbacks. They are so vivid to the point i can hear him see and feel what hes doing esp the first time which should have been special as most seem to do but not for me. And it always gets me after i talk to men or im in a deadly state of mind such as last night.

[eth]

These are important things to recognise @outlander.  You clearly have insight into what's happening for you.  You can say "I relive the events vividly" without the specific detail if you want to.  And that you are affected by talking to men.  The psychologist's job is to help you deal with these symptoms.  I am about to start EMDR for similar symptoms.  It is highly indicated for complex PTSD and I have hope for improvement.  There are several types of therapy that have good results for SA survivors and different ones work for different people.