Seriously had enough

[Loz_3647]

Content/trigger warning

i am disgusted with myself for eating what I have and now I feel extremely fat. My skin is terrible and I just want to rip my face off. My hair is p*ssing me off and I feel like shaving it off. I am so angry with myself. I am sick of myself and my BPD. Constantly splitting, being 'matter of fact', being emotionally disregulated etc. I mask it all (most of it as best as I can) and internalise so much!! It is tearing me apart inside. But nobody around me gets it. They expect me to be like them. On top of that I'm being constantly reminded of my past. Flashbacks, nightmares, memories. It doesn't stop. Everything is getting to me. Ive had SH hanging over me and I've resisted as much as I can but I honestly need that release. I need to show myself how P*ssed off I am with myself. And tbh that's not the only reasons why. Its everything. My head is spinning. It's overwhelming. It's intense. It's lonely and isolating. I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of my life. If people knew they were going to loose you, then maybe, just maybe, they would treat you a lot different. I wish people could see how they hurt others (intentional or not). I need some help, I know I do, but there is no support. I need medication. I need therapy. I need to know what is actually wrong with me. I'm screaming inside. I'm breaking.

 ive seriously had enough of myself.

[Kyle1]

@Loz_3647 

So sorry to hear of your continuing pain and crumbling.

🫂😔

[Peregrinefalcon]

Hey @Loz_3647 

I can hear how brutal that inner critic voice is being tonight. It can be so incredibly loud and hard to ignore, especially when we are already feeling vulnerable. 

Is there anything you find helps to "shut it up"? No one deserves to have that bullying voice. 

If you feel like talking it out would help, please do not hesitate to call

Lifeline 13 11 14

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 657 467

Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636

Sitting here with you 💛

[Loz_3647]

Nothing shuts it up. It just gets louder and I end up hating myself more. Not that I think I can help myself more. Online services are no help rn.

[Loz_3647]

What does that mean?

[Kyle1]

oh, dear... 🫂

@Loz_3647 

Please keep in touch. 💚

[Kym4]

I feel like this at times.

[tyme]

Hi @Kym4 ,

We hear how difficult it is for you at times.

Do you have any supports you can speak to?

[tyme]

Hi @Loz_3647 ,

Seems like it's this same vicious cycle going around constantly. What HAVE you tried in order to help yourself?

Have you been able to get in touch with SANE's Guided Service to get an extra padding of support? https://www.sane.org/referral

There IS help out there.