Robot

[Former-Member]

Ive been on my medication for over a month and I'm starting to see it working. I'm not longer getting into fits of rage or breaking down into tears. My highs are not as high and my lows are not as low. They are still a bit more extreme then the normal person but I haven't tried to harm myself so I'm assuming they are working. But a part of me is hating it. I miss my extreme emotions. I miss my angers and tears. I feel so empty and weird with out it. I feel close to normal and it's boring. Normal life is not for me. I fight against the normal. <br><br>I'm thinking of stop taking the pills. Yes I was a nightmare but I understood that. I felt more me and now I feel like a robot and I can't tell which one is worse. <br><br>Has anyone thought like this before or do I need a higher does in pills? And I'm still hating the fact I'm on pills to sort out my brain.

[Mazarita]

Hi @Former-Member,

It's good the medication is starting to have some benefits but I understand what you are talking about when you say you miss your extremes and that 'normal' life seems boring. I've struggled with this too and still wonder about it sometimes.

Mostly I am grateful for the relative peace and contentment in my life. This leaves room for me to experience joy at times, not so much empty excitement like before. I also don't feel as tormentedly depressed and anxious as I did earlier in my life. To me this makes life more livable and even enjoyable, at least some of the time.

Also, I think I've mentioned to you before that I'm not very 'normal' still. In my experience at least, the highs and lows don't ever really go away. I still feel like I live a colourful life in some ways.

If you withdraw from your meds, it would be best to do it in consultation with your psychiatrist. They may not agree with your choice but are likely to want to help you do it in a way that won't hurt you medically. If you end up doing it on your own, know that this needs to be done gradually.

It's natural you might feel strange to have some quieter feelings inside for maybe the first time in a long while. My suggestion would be to give it a bit longer to really get a proper experience of how these things can be helpful.

[BeYo]

Hi @Loulathecat,
I'm new here. Its nice for me to know there're people who have similar experience with me. I can relate to your story easily.
Just like some bipolar, I channel my moods into something thats more productive. Bipolar are known to be creative.
Now that you're more relaxed, maybe try new hobbies or do things that you didn't get to do when you were emotional. I like gardening and chill with my friends when I feel relaxed.

[Former-Member]

I've been slowly taking my self off them and all the other urges and feelings are flooding back. I'm really concerned about the effect it will have on my husband as he has zero clue what I'm doing but then I think I need to do what's right for me. I don't like feeling semi normal and I hate feeling like this but I hate most the idea of a pill making me feel something. I'll just have to wait and see what happens but I know I've made this decision in a clearer head space and will just have to live with the consequences

[Mazarita]

Glad to hear you are going slowly with the weaning off period. Maybe you could go to a GP and get some sessions to see a psychologist instead - they won't prescribe medication. But they may be able to help you find various coping mechanisms to reduce any negative effect on loved ones, and help you manage things better yourself. Everyone is entitled to sessions to a psychologist on a Medicare Mental Health Care Plan. Just need a referral from a GP. Also remember there is Lifeline chat lines if things get out of control at times 13 11 14. And we are here too. Kind wishes, @Former-Member.

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Former-Member

I have often felt conflicted about the issue of medication for myself.  In the end I decided for my children that they needed me to be more stable and my extremes werent helpful for them.  I went on antidepresss about 15 years ago and periodically get down to almost nothing.  I have only managed about 5 months with none since I started, but I am clear about triggers and careful about noting changes either going up or down.  My new GP is good to talk to about them ... sometimes it takes a while to find good health professionals.  Keep trying to get one who can relate to you.

[Amanda]

Hi. I have some similar issues with my meds.  Sometimes I feel like my personality has become bland, and that I have no real excitement or energy for life anymore.  It's not an ideal place to be in, but the benefits of being stable and able to look after myself and my son outweigh the issues I have with this.  I've come to accept it as a part of life, and again I'll say that's it's not ideal but in some cases it's just what has to be done.  I completely understand where you are coming from on this.