Question on CSA

[Former-Member]

Hi,

I'm not sure if this is allowed, so moderaters please remove if not.

But I'm having a problem seperating the 'icky' feelings from CSA and 'nice' feelings from intimate situations. My psychologist doesn't really understand and hasn't provided any helpful solutions, just anxiety reduction. I have PTSD from this, but I think I've pretty effectively dealt with most of the ptsd symtoms now.

Does anyone have any advice for how to seperate/get over the 'icky' feelings? I've never been able to have a relationship because of it and I'd really love to have a family one of these days.

Does anyone know of any resources on this topic that may be helpful?

Thanks!

[pip]

Dear Bec. I need to ask if your abuser was family friend or family. The sexual abuse you suffered was horrendous and if you were never counselled, you need to understand this was not your fault. No matter who abuses us, we (the victims) never need to feel as though 'we caused it', or invited it. We are often led to believe (by the abuser) that we 'asked' for it, this total fabrication and must be ignored. Have you ever consulted anyone from the 'adult survivors of sexual abuse' helpline? You really need to discuss this with other 'survivors'. Your psychologist is not equipped to deal with this, as it's a specialized field. No reflection on him/her, but discussing with other survivors would be beneficial. I went through similar with my brother being the abuser. When we are abused, often it can lead to serious sexual problems later. Sex with someone who really loves you and doesn't wish to hurt you is extremely rewarding, but building up enough trust in that person can take a long time. The man I'm involved with now, knows and understands, my ex knew, but failed to comprehend. The 'icky' feelings you describe are REAL. You possibly squirm at thought of someone 'touching' you 'there'. Ask your Dr, or phone lifeline or Beyond Blue and ask for referral to 'adult survivors of sexual abuse'. It's also possible someone from these forums may be able to put you in touch with that helpline. Don't let anyone tell you that each time you feel 'icky', it means the abuser has 'won'. He hasn't, nor have you lost. You need help to accept your body and love it.

[Former-Member]

Hi Bec,

Thanks for your post and for your courage to share about CSA and the difficulties it’s creating for you. I just wanted to jump in a say it’s perfectly fine to post about CSA here on the Forums. We only ask users to refrain from posting graphic or specific details about their abuse, as it can be triggering for others, and potentially themselves, and we just want to make sure the Forums are a safe space for everyone.

Some psychologists are better equiped than others in helping clients with the trauma associated with CSA, so it's really important to try and find someone who has experience in this area. In addition to @pip’s great suggestions, you could also look into contacting a CASA (Centre Against Sexual Assault) service in your state. They usually operate a 24/7 telephone counselling service for survivors of CSA and may be able to provide you with some helpful information and referrals. They go by different names in each state, so if you follow this link here you should be able to find the one closest to you. Also, their websites usually carry some helpful factsheets and recourses on CSA that you might find helpful. I’ve provided the link for the Victorian CASA resources on CSA  here as it’s the one I’m most familiar with.

Again thanks for sharing – hopefully these suggestions are helpful.

All the best,
supernova.

[Former-Member]

Hi Bec,
I think the harsest thing is learning to trust again. To separate the past from now. Its a hard journey for us but there is hope & a peace ahead for you.

I just googled 'adult survivors & there came up a lot of resources. The first two are;

BLUE KNOT FOUNDATION
(inspiring recovery from childhood trauma)
Phone: 02 8920 3611 
Email: admin@blueknot.org.au 
PO Box 597 Milsons Point NSW 1565
Mon-Fri, 9am-5pm AEST
Helpline Phone:1300 657 380
Email: helpline@blueknot.org.au  
http://www.blueknot.org.au

----------

South Eastern Centre Against Sexual Assault & Family Violence.
Centre Against Sexual Assault Crisis Vic
phone1800 737 732
secasa@monashhealth.org
---------

[Former-Member]

"The work of restoration cannot begin until a problem is fully faced"
Dan Allender

[Former-Member]

Judith Lewis Herman said?

"Remembering and telling the truth about terrible events are prerequisites both for the restoration of the social order and for the healing of individual victims.

The conflict between the will to deny horrible events and the will to proclaim them aloud is the central dialectic of psychological trauma. People who have survived atrocities often tell their stories in a highly emotional, contradictory, and fragmented manner that undermines their credibility and thereby serves the twin imperatives of truth-telling and secrecy.

When the truth is finally recognized, survivors can begin their recovery. But far too often secrecy prevails, and the story of the traumatic event surfaces not as a verbal narrative but as a symptom.

The psychological distress symptoms of traumatized people simultaneously call attention to the existence of an unspeakable secret and deflect attention from it. This is most apparent in the way traumatized people alternate between feeling numb and reliving the event.

The dialectic of trauma gives rise to complicated, sometimes uncanny alterations of consciousness, which George Orwell, one of the committed truth-tellers of our century, called "doublethink," and which mental health professionals, searching for calm, precise language, call "dissociation." It results in protean, dramatic, and often bizarre symptoms of hysteria which Freud recognized a century ago as disguised communications about sexual abuse in childhood. . . .
- Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery

[Happyness]

Hello Saneforums

Ive Lost Bonding Generally Because Of Loss Of Physical Touch And Being A Victim

[Former-Member]

I'm sorry for your pain guys. Wish i was better equipped to help - just can't handle the topic atm I hope the above websites will provided the information your looking for. Each journey is individual & to a some extent travelled alone. But you are stronger than you know, you're still here and reaching out, seeking knowledge understanding - already way ahead of most.
Don't give up but go gently, be kind with yourself at heart. 👣
& phone numbers

[Former-Member]

Wow @Former-Member. My psychologist mentioned dissociation..I didn't know exactly this other than( I thought) it meant leaving the body in order to escape the 'feeling', the 'overwhelm'
Some events that continue on in my life, it's this aspect I recall of the event. It's always an unfavorable feeling. Like I'm never myself.
Well. You learn something new everyday!

[Former-Member]

@pip no, but thanks for asking. My experience was actually quite a minor event(s), but happened to me several times, in different situations by different people. But even though they were minor events, they've impacted me massively. I think I will look for a psychologist who has experience in the area. I think what I really need is a partner who is understanding and patient. Most guys don't want 'broken goods'.