Lived Experience Forum

[Eve7]

Sounds like a lovely day @BlueBay 

💙💙💙💙

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @BlueBay,

So glad to read you are sounding well. Sounds like you have had a lovely day.  I took my son to see the Minions on the weekend and we both loved it!

Sounds like you have a lovely (but also tiring) night ahead!

Enjoy your time together 🙂

Best wishes,

FloatingFeather 

[BlueBay]

Hi guys 

I just rang my sister and niece to invite them over for a bon voyage party for our son. In 2 weeks time. 
i then thought I better call mum to invite them but I knew they wouldn’t come. 
well I was right. 😡

my mum answered the phone and I started to say we are having a get together for our son. She instantly said no we are not coming. I asked why. She replied you know your father isn’t well and we’re invited out. I turned around snd said you’re invited out on a Saturday night. She replied yes Thankyou and  goodbye!!!   I know full well that they go nowhere. This is her excuse. She uses dad as an excuse. 

and if dad is not well to come to me how can he be well to go out like she says. 

she doesn’t care about me my kids or little A. 

Im going to distance myself now. I’ve had enough. 

@FloatingFeather @Eve7 @hanami @BPDSurvivor @Shaz51 @Emelia8 

[hanami]

Hey @BlueBay 

I'm so sorry this happened today. And you were having such a nice day 😞 

Sometimes we just can't do anything about what others say and do. You did a good thing by inviting your parents and sadly your mum has disappointed you. I know that feeling and it's not nice. But you've done what you can so try not to let it ruin your good day! 🤗

[BlueBay]

i just feel angry sad and rejected. 

i think to myself “how can a mum be like this” 

how??

@hanami @FloatingFeather 

[FloatingFeather]

Oh @BlueBay, i was just thinking same thing as @hanami. You were having such a lovely day, what a shame - I'm really sorry about your mum's response to your invitation.

I went through a pretty hard time with my mum a few years back and I distanced myself from her for about six months. It wasn't easy but I needed to put some boundaries in place and protect myself from getting hurt. We are so much better now and I think that time apart helped our relationship.

I know it may be hard but I would really encourage you to try and focus on your little A and enjoying your quality time together this evening and put what has happened with your mum (as much as you can) out of your mind. It would be sad for both you and little A if your evening was affected by what has happened with your mum.  

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

[Eve7]

At least you were prepared for her response @BlueBay 

I’m sorry she’s like that to you. 😢

💙💛💙💙💙💛💙

[FloatingFeather]

I understand how you feel and I wish I could answer that question @BlueBay.

I guess over the years I realised that not all mums and / or dads do act in the way most people may assume they should.

What I also realised was that whilst I couldn't control how my parents may have been I could control how I acted as a parent. As such as I have tried (definitely dropped the ball many times) to parent my kids the way I wished I had been parented.

[grayhorn]

@BlueBay 

Im so glad you and little A are having some quality time. Made me smile when you said about how she can eat! Reminded me of the efforts it took to keep the larder stocked and the many lively meals we ate together when my kids were growing up. 
It is so counter intuitive to cut oneself off from a family member, we’re raised as women to believe we have to be there for others no matter how much that hurts us. All credit to you BlueBay, you just keep refusing to give up on your mother. But our first duty of care has to be to ourselves, so that we have enough water in our well to maintain good relations with ourselves, and those we love in a reciprocal way.I know this cos I learnt the hard way. A sister I still love is toxic to me no matter how I try, so I keep away now. It takes too much out of me and my well-being suffers. A phonecall with her and 2 months later I come good. Enough. I paid. 
Im good with it. I wish it were different but this is the real world and love and belongingness are fragile and too precious to waste on  rejection and put downs. 
My mother died when I was 4, I had the wicked stepmother, and it’s so healing to be a loving mother. I know you feel that too. 

[BlueBay]

Hi @FloatingFeather @grayhorn @hanami @Emelia8 @Shaz51 @Eve7 @Snowie 

little A asleep about an hour ago. On a blow up mattress in our front lounge room. She loves being here and really loves her two uncles. She will def miss one uncle very soon. 
and he’s close to her too. 

just can’t get my mum out of my mind. 

i was so angry before that I wanted to sh just to release pain. But I didn’t. I’m safe. 

it’s so hard because if I completely stay away from my mum - it’s my dad who I won’t see. But I don’t even talk yo him because she won’t give him the phone when I ring. She always uses dads health as an excuse. Ok he has heart issues but he’s ok. I know it’s her that causes these issues. Snd I bet my dad doesn’t even know what she says to me. 

gee I get so angry with her.