My special place

[Snowie]

Not really @rav3n Can email my psych/pdoc but since its the weekend don't expect to hear back from them.

H is going out having a 'boys day' tomorrow. Organised quite awhile ago. If I tell him he'll want to stay home and I don't want that. He should be able to go have fun without me interfering.

[rav3n]

do you think you'll be okay for the weekend? @Snowie i do understand not wanting to tell H, but you're safety is also important so if you do feel like you'll need him this weekend, that's okay too - trips can be rescheduled, our mental health can't. 

if you're still not okay with telling H, is there anything that can help you get through this weekend? even if your psych/pdoc don't get back to you till Monday, maybe it's still worth unloading - perhaps writing it out can help process it a bit?

[Snowie]

I don't know how the weekend will go @rav3n H is out both days.

I can try writing it all down.

It's so messed up.

[rav3n]

when things are 'messed up' sometimes there's some shame and guilt associated with it, but please know that your support team is there to help you, not judge you @Snowie 

we're here for you, please don't hesitate to reach out here on the weekend, and if you do feel unsafe - do you have your safety plan that you can look to?

oh and were you able to get your luggage back btw?

[Snowie]

@rav3n please know that I am safe, but is it wrong to have those thoughts of I wish that was me. That I could get that relief from me. Then the guilt sets in, thinking of my family.

I have got a safety plan that I am using.

Yes I did get my luggage back two days after we got in. It was lost in Hong Kong!!

[tyme]

I love HongKong... well I DID love it. I haven't been there for years and years @Snowie Glad you got your bag back!

And no, it's not 'wrong'. Thoughts are not 'wrong' or 'not wrong'. Thoughts are thoughts... 

[Snowie]

Only saw the airport @tyme!! Was just a lay over. Bag was meant to be transferred from plane to plane, but I guess it didn't happen. At least I got back all the goodies I had brought the kids.

Just have to try and deal with those thoughts. Trying not to be 'too hard' on myself.

[tyme]

Please be kind to yourself @Snowie .

These naughty thoughts keep intruding???

[rav3n]

thanks for letting me know you're safe @Snowie and i'm with tyme too, there's nothing wrong with having those thoughts. i do get that sometimes, especially when you grow up having to hide and deal with 'uncomfy' emotions/thoughts on your own, there tends to be some shame and guilt that comes with it. but like you said, you deserve to go easy on yourself. there's no shame in having thoughts, or emotions (aka being human). 

yay for getting the luggage back, glad your kids got their souvenirs!! 

[Snowie]

The thoughts keep coming @tyme @rav3n 

I'm just getting upset with myself for not being able to control all of them.

I've got phrases written down which I keep reading.

I'm just going to take my meds and go to bed. I think there comes a point when staying awake isn't going to be beneficial.

Thanks for the company and letting me unload. I appreciate it.