My special place

[Snowie]

It's good that you have the choice @tyme and that you can do what is right for you.

I think I would much prefer to just chill for the day.

I was brought up that Xmas is a big celebration. Always lots of family/food. Always traditions that we had. So I guess we have followed some of them with our kids (just not as big).

I do agree that it can be an exhausting day.

We are having Xmas lunch at our house. I actually don't mind. It is a lot of work but at least I can go hide in my room if I need some time out. I have that safe place to go. By the end however I am so over people and mentally exhausted!

One thing I do like is that Hubby and I started a tradition that we all buy some presents and donate them for kids that aren't as lucky as ours. As the kids got older, they use their own money to buy something. I do think its taught my kids a lot of life lessons.

[tyme]

You're brave to be hosting family at your house @Snowie ! I could NOT do that. Hats off to you!

As for donating things to kids, that's so amazing. It's so important to teach kids to give rather than receive receive receive...

[Jynx]

Hey @Snowie! Aww you're sweet, always happy to be here for ya my dear! 

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@Snowie wrote:

Oh by the way, she came up and saw me. Thanked me for all I do for her. Then mentioned she has a gp appt. on Friday that I need to take her to.

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Are you referring to your mum here? Or your SW, or someone?

I'm with tyme - if hospital happens, it happens. It's not the ideal outcome but sometimes if we pour too much energy into worrying about it, it can stress us out enough that we end up there anyway. 

Survived your xmas shopping ok?

[Snowie]

I think these days kids get, get, get @tyme. It's just expected that they get everything they want. Mine have been lucky to have had a life where they have never had to worry. But I never wanted to raise spoilt kids, I wanted them to realise not everyone has a life like theirs. We also give to a food bank monthly.

Hi @Jynx yes my mum. Always nice to me when she needs me to take her somewhere. Have gp tomorrow with her.

I guess in the back of my head I know hospital is an option. Perhaps it makes things a little easier knowing that it is there if needed, if that makes sense.

I have finished xmas shopping except for the fresh food which I will get Monday. I am certainly not going out Xmas Eve. I don't think I could handle that!

[Jynx]

@Snowie ahh yep, but of course! Accountability is just a means to an end to her, by the sounds of it. Hope she keeps her thoughts to herself tomorrow. 

Aye, it can act as a safety net for sure! I think sometimes, knowing we have a safety net can be exactly the thing that ensures we don't need one! 

Aye, I definitely don't want to either!! Knowing me, I'll need cheese or something and forget, and then get like BOWLED OVER 🤣

[Snowie]

One good thing about the gp tomorrow @Jynx is that it's only a 5 minute drive. So even if she does start, I don't have to put up with it for long!

Hopefully that is the case. It's there as a last resort.

OH I have my food list. Everything I need. As long as I have my list and stick to it I should be ok.

I hope you don't have to do the last minute dash. That would certainly be chaotic.

[Jynx]

Random thought moreso than a suggestion @Snowie but how do you think she'd react to you just like... putting on headphones or something whenever she 'starts'? Like a sassy granny who turns her hearing aid down so she doesn't have to listen to people!! Teehee

Usually I do have a list!! Only problem is the person making the list is the same person who keeps forgetting to get stuff 🤣 You know, for someone who lives alone, I sure do go to the supermarket a LOT 😅

What's on the cards for xmas feast, do you cook for your fam or...?

[Snowie]

Ohhh @Jynx I think she would loose it. If I put headphones on or turned the radio up, she would probably just get even more angry. It's like she bottles all this up, blurts it out (whilst always crying) and then later on when she has calmed down will apologise.

She has always been very much like this. Even as a kid I learnt when to stay out of her way, especially when she was angry. Nothing was ever good enough for her. Still like that these days.

Haha Jynx, I think its normal to forget things, even with a list!!

As xmas is at my house, I will cook the main meal. I try and make it easy however. I order prawns, ordered cooked chickens, brought a ham and then all I have to do is cook some turkey and vegies. Everyone coming is bring dessert so don't have to worry about that. I don't find it hard as long as I am organised beforehand. 

What do you do for xmas?

[Jynx]

I would absolutely expect her to go nuts at ya @Snowie lol but what could she do? You can't hear her angry ranting anymore!! 

Actually, joking aside, that is one way to be firm with a boundary. If the boundary expressed to her is 'I will not tolerate you being angry or berating me' and she ignores it, you have every right to stick to that boundary by blocking it out so you are no longer having to tolerate it. If she accuses you of being rude or tries to guilt trip you, you can just gently (and maybe repeatedly) remind her that you expressed your boundary and she ignored it, so you are taking steps to ensure your needs are respected regardless.

Ach, I know it's never that simple, but just had the thought and wanted to share 😉

Oh sounds like a veritable FEAST! Love it!! 

Usually I visit fam in NSW but flights were way too exxy this year so staying in Naarm! I am potentially hanging out with one of my dearest friends, we were gonna go see a movie I think! And then probably see my partners between xmas and NYE. 

[Snowie]

That a really good way of looking at it @Jynx She already knows what is "off limits" but goes there anyway. Perhaps the headphones or radio might just help at least in the short term.

Flights are really expensive at this time of year. I don't blame you for not going.

A movie with a dear friend sounds like a great idea. I think it is good for things to be open, especially for those that don't celebrate xmas or just want to do things a little differently.

Going to head to bed. Not much sleep last night. Hoping tonight's a little better.

Thanks for keeping me company and for the suggestions with my mum. Will certainly use them!