My Mosaic

[Jynx]

@Bow I am sorry hun I only just saw this. I am sending so many hugs your way, first of all. 

I'm really hearing how much of a sense of overwhelming bewilderment you're sitting with. I think as well, it's like you mentioned - you were literally in the process of trying to look after yourself. The immensely jarring difference between what you were doing and what then happened... And then like, of course your brain is going to want to make sense of it, figure out what happened - literally so that the brain has a way of saying like 'oh this is the action that lead to the pain and fear, so we don't do that action again' but the thing was.... trying to look after yourself? Yeah that would leave anyone feeling pretty spun. 

Here with ya. What you doing at the moment, still poking at the Lego? Or, the not-Lego I guess haha 

[Bow]

Just curled up in bed @Jynx  did what I needed to feel something and now flooded with the immense guilt and shame and snot

[Jynx]

@Bow oh hun, I am sorry to hear that it has gotten so Big and Heavy that this felt like the only option. There is no shame in coping however you can - I know that it's not an ideal outcome, and obviously I'd never want to encourage it, but I also just wanna remind you that it's okay to do what you need to do to survive. 

Sending many warm and gentle cuddles. I hope that you're patched up and taking it slow? Sending much love too 💜

[Bow]

Yep all taken care of @Jynx curled up in bed with my weighted sloth scared heart racing and mind racing

[rav3n]

just catching up @Bow, definitely agree with Jynx, there's no shame, you're only human. the weighted sloth sounds nice, hope giving it a squeeze helps the heart rate. sending you some gentle hugs too 💗

[Jynx]

Ach, you're so good @Bow look at you go, taking those steps to look after ya poor fragile lil self. Proud of you. 

OMG weighted sloth! Does your sloth have a name? Mr Badonkadonk mayhaps, if he's got a big juicy butt full of weights? Teehehee

Do any of the thoughts ever finish the race you think? Or is it a marathon? Silly racing thoughts, what are you like!

Huggles my dear, alllllll of them 🫂🫂🫂🫂

[Bow]

No he doesn’t have a name @Jynx his grey and very soft and fluffy. 

thoughts just keep going round and round and round. Heart don’t feel good. Feels like a raging tornado inside 

[Jynx]

@Bow fluffy is good. I approve muchly of this sloth companion! 

It's scary I know hun, especially when it's our heart. I swear sometimes when it's thudding in my throat it feels like a stampede in there. 

Your system will return to a modicum of regulation eventually, in the meantime you can roll the dice on tryna sleep, you can throw as much of your attention as you can muster at some sort of distraction, you can buzz a crisis service, there's stuff to help you pass the time. Here, maybe you can read this aloud to yourself: 

I am not my thoughts. My thoughts can be loud without them being correct. These feelings will pass, and morning will come. I will be okay. 

I wonder how many hugs I can send you at once before the ethereal hug delivery company gets overburdened... Cos I wanna send a billion but I think they might have a 500 million hug limit. Doesn't seem like enough, does it? 

[Bow]

Gonna try sleep I think @Jynx  everything is exhausted. Meds will hopefully kick in soon.

thanks for the many hugs and for being here. 
you too @rav3n 

[Jynx]

Just letting you know I'm heading off @Bow but we can touch base tomorrow arvo if you like 💜

Be gentle with yourself - Jynx's orders! Night lovely one 😚🫂