Listening to triggering music

[Jynx]

@creative_writer yeah I think that's such a big factor hey!! One we've got in common... I have definitely gotten a lot more validating of my own traumatic experiences but I still have those thoughts creep in from time to time. Couple weeks ago for instance I had the biggest meltdown I've had in maybe like... 3-4 years? Anyway, I literally had to take the time to convince myself that it wasn't actually an indicator that I was 'suddenly unable to handle my shit' or regressing or something. So wild to get imposter syndrome about having mental health issues 🙃

Noice!! I found this Reddit thread about processing trauma w/o therapy, and they had some book recommends in there - also found another thread and the top comment has a bunch of things to explore. The books that I think looked the most interesting were Becoming Safely Embodied and Complex PTSD: From surviving to thriving. 

I legit think I am gonna buy the first one, sounds suuuper interesting! If you like, I can report back? Might be in a couple months tho lol my reading pace varies with my energy flows. 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx getting imposter syndrome for mental health issues feels so odd but it does happen. As I said, part of it is probably the mind wanting to minimise it to decrease the emotional load. Minimising it does not work.

I’ll try to make a mental note to look at the thread when I’m ready. I have to get through some other pressing readings first for volunteer work

[Jynx]

@creative_writer yeah true, brain trying to protect itself, and maybe it worked at first but now it's wired in and now that in itself has become the issue. 

Course! All things in their own time. When does volunteering kick off?

[creative_writer]

@Jynx perhaps it did help before. Maybe the voice originates from the invalidation from other people.

Volunteering starts in March, but I have training before then

[Jynx]

@creative_writer oh yeah that's entirely likely - was even reading about that recently, the way that our brains will repeat the hurtful, invalidating things we hear from others to us in our own voices, making it feel like our idea and thus our truth. I think this is why I like IFS so much - gives the tools to be able to have healthier inner dialogue. 

Aww yay, I am excited for you!! Are you mostly excited or mostly nervous you reckon? 

Also I'm off! I hope you are feeling more settled, and that the rest of your night is chill! Catch you tomorrow 😊💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx we do internalise what others say to us. It’s kind of the reason why I’ve become so avoidant too. I fear being invalidated, judged and not being believed.

I think it’s a combination of both. I’m hoping the training is straightforward and the content is familiar. You do have to go into the real world to develop your skills. I do also want an income too, but I’m sure jobs will be popping up.

I’m doing a bit better. I hope you have a restful night 💖😊

[Jynx]

@creative_writer aye for sure!! Can be hard to find our safe people!! 

I legit did have a restful night!! For the first time in a long time, I was able to roll over n go back to sleep this morning, so managed to get 7.5 hours instead of like 3.5 so hooray!! 

How you feeling today? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx finding safe people is very hard. Though I have noticed myself growing reserved as I’ve grown up.

Glad to hear you slept well. It makes a huge difference.

I’ve been a bit migraine-y, might explain why I’ve been moody too. I’ve been more achy since yesterday. Maybe it’s post sinus infection symptoms. It was a prolonged illness bout. Moral of the story, if you go to a crowded place where bacterial and viral strands are going around, wear a mask. If you think Melbourne city is crowded, East Asian countries are something else

[Jynx]

@creative_writer yeah wow hun still feeling it hey!! Slow and gentle day for you then? What have you been doing to keep yourself occupado lately? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I took it easy today. I finished the police check for volunteer work. Watched a bit of TV. I’m making fish for dinner.

Also my mum had a conversation about her first cousin. It turns out my mum’s female relative went to my mum’s first cousin and told him my mum is looking for a partner for me even though my mum said not to. Now my mum’s cousin (who is a lot younger than her) is interested 😬