Listening to triggering music

[creative_writer]

@rav3n I want to be able to survive without support. Maybe it’s the constant conflict that I can’t seem to find people in my life who will support me. I try to convince myself I’m better off alone. I’ve had moments where I did convince myself. I just don’t want to need people because then I’ll be safe and I won’t hurt over feeling lonely. Though I’ll say this, I’ll take the loneliness of being alone over the loneliness of being surrounded by people who I can’t connect with. Ending up alone is hardly the worst thing, ending up alone with the wrong people is way worse

[creative_writer]

My fever has climbed, I feel awful

[tyme]

Awww @creative_writer . Sorry to hear. 

Is this still from when you were away overseas?

[creative_writer]

@tyme, yes. I just took some meds to make it settle. I know I should see a doctor instead of self-medicating but can’t into one till the weekend. It just flared up all of a sudden today

[tyme]

Do you have the number for doctor or nurse on call in your area @creative_writer ?

[creative_writer]

@tyme I believe so, I just don’t know if it’s urgent enough. Other people might have more pressing issues and I don’t want to take their time

[tyme]

If you need it, use it @creative_writer . What if everyone thought that way?

[creative_writer]

@tyme I’m feeling better now,

TW: Risky behaviour

Content/trigger warning

though I may have self-medicated without doctors approval.

But I feel better physically and mentally, is it that wrong?

[tyme]

Hey @creative_writer , your post was a very grey one in terms of the Community Guidelines as your coping mechanism is not something we can condone on a public forum. 

I hear you though and encourage you to have that conversation with your doc the next time you see them. 

Glad to hear you feel somewhat better though.

Any plans for tonight? Rest?

[creative_writer]

@tyme sorry, I feel like my prefrontal cortex shut down and lost reasoning, but I should try to be more careful. I was frustrated that my fever jumped and my face was in a lot of pain. Eating has been painful. My mind has been in a dark place too because I am no longer a functional person and it’s hard to distract. I find myself ruminating over SA and attachment trauma. I don’t want the memories to hurt. I also don’t want to need help and just help myself.

I’ll be resting tonight