Listening to triggering music

[creative_writer]

@Jynx we are constantly evolving. It’s a shame ageing is seen as a negative in Australian culture. But age teaches you a lot.

I’m able to fill in my morning. The afternoons are the problem, my anxiety gets bad and I get exhausted it’s hard to do things. I’ve had things playing in my mind. It’s not just rumination over the past. There are dreams I have, but I do not know how I’ll reach them. I feel like my mental health and chronic pain limits me at times 😢.

I’ve considered a sleep study. I know I’m not the best when it comes to sleep. Sleep does make a huge difference to mental and physical health.

[Jynx]

@creative_writer Aye, I could fill a book with the ways things like ageism and sexism (and the taboo of sexuality to boot) have messed us up. 

How are you with like... spontaneous adventures? Like maybe adding in particular activities like 'Tuesday afternoons I take myself to see a movie' or 'Thursday arvos I go to a shop or cafe I've never been to before'. So it's still part of the routine, but also adds in some novelty and whimsy? Good to have a balance of both!! 

Ach, I gotta dash hun, catch you tomorrow if you're about!! We can also chat more about sleep stuff then too, if you like. Whatever's clever! 

Catch ya 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx there is a lot of taboo around discussing ageism, sexism and sexuality. Not discussing the taboo just encourages oppression. It’s kind of why I’ve carried shame for so long. If other people don’t want to talk about it, it’s hard not to internalise that something must be wrong with me.

Maybe I can start off with leaving the house for closer places to home. I am really bad at not leaving the house for days. The only reason why I went out today was because I had an eye specialist appointment. My infection has cleared, thankfully. No surgery needed 😮‍💨. I still need to continue with eye drops to lower my eye pressure.

It hasn’t been a great day today. I couldn’t control my tears they broke free, it was frustrating, but they had to be. I also accidentally fell on the stairs, I am lucky that I wasn’t badly injured. Maybe tomorrow will be better, one can hope. I hope you rest up tonight 💖

[tyme]

I'm sorry to hear about your eye and the fact that you had a fall on the stairs today @creative_writer 

What else have you been up to? Do you have anything planned for tomorrow?

[creative_writer]

@tyme I’m starting to wonder if stress is contributing to my physical health concerns. Migraines and POTS are already hard enough, but now I need to monitor my eye pressure. The fall wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. My sister and mum insisted I still attended to the injury. I was lucky I was wearing one of those fleecey dressing gowns early in the day since it protected my skin to a certain degree.

Will be doing the normal sort of stuff like focusing on my spirituality, watching TV, I also need to sort my clothes. Do you have any plans for tomorrow?

[Jynx]

@creative_writer Oh I'm sorry to hear you took a fall hun, that's so rough!! And of course, we of the sensitive skin end up all black n blue from stuff like this. Also I found this the other day, feels like you could potentially relate? 🤣 we in da MLB club!! 

Yay for cleared infection!! Hope the relief is palpable. And I think the sneason (sneezy season, where hayfever comes to play... and it plays DIRTY) is nearly over so hopefully fewer irritants!!

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@creative_writer wrote:
I couldn’t control my tears they broke free, it was frustrating, but they had to be.

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I thought I'd share something my therapist said to me last week - 

"We tend to think when we're crying that we need to stop and regulate. But crying is our body regulating." Really helped me, especially since I've been noticing my tears flow a LOT sooner of late (as in, smaller and less stressful things than usual are making me cry), and was starting to wonder if my regulation skills needed some work. She reminded me that crying is how my body processes and releases stress - it's even been measured that emotional tears actually contain adrenaline and cortisol; the body is literally flushing the stress hormones out when we cry. 

I know it's hard to release that shame, but sometimes I've found having that little extra knowledge, or a reminder of it, can help us let go a lil bit 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I am clumsy and have ended up with injuries multiple times on the stairs. Once I did hit my lower back, that wasn’t fun. I do have bruises and wounds from yesterday. The alcohol wipes stung.

I do think I need to somehow reduce the shame associated with tears. I know it helps with regulation but I can’t help but feel like I’m supposed to have things together. Maybe I don’t want to cause discomfort to others

[Jynx]

@creative_writer aye, the proprioception faeries definitely came and stole mine. I am always bumping into stuff, kicking my toes on things, always covered in scrapes and bruises from who knows where! 

Why are you supposed to have things together? For you? For your family? For some unspoken social norm? Genuinely curious 💜

If someone you cared about came to you, and said they didn't wanna cry around you in case it made you uncomfortable (even though it would be helpful for them), what would you say to them? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I wonder if it’s a ND thing to be a bit clumsy. Or maybe it’s a hypermobility thing.

I guess it’s a social norm thing. I know it’s generally more accepted for women to show emotions, but it is still often seen as weakness. Other people also find it difficult to sit with uncomfortable emotions. I know my parents certainly find it hard. I would be totally okay with other people showing emotions and would be supportive. I don’t really see it as weakness, but I am afraid of being assumed weak

[Jynx]

Probably both, lol

What happens when people assume you're weak @creative_writer? How does it impact you?