Listening to triggering music

[creative_writer]

@Jynx we all have a dark side to ourselves and it’s important to recognise this if we are going to become a mental health clinician. It is important not abuse power, not to look down on clients and act superior.

Afternoons are not my best, it’s when anxiety tend to kick in. I’m getting through it. How are you?

[Jynx]

@creative_writer I wish more people held this view!! 

Ach, sounds rough, what are you doing with yourself to keep the anxiety at bay? I'm not too shabby, sipping on coffee and got some sun earlier which was nice. 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I am not trying to diagnosis this psychiatrist, but I felt like she acted entitled. Her say was the only say. I was always wrong and she was always right. Apparently my symptoms were made up and I was manipulating her by keeping information from her. You can’t open up to someone you don’t feel safe with. Since I have my own mind and I was too annoying for her, she decided to use her mobile phone during sessions and probably didn’t really hear me out. She only heard what she wanted to hear. She faked compassion, she didn’t feel any of my pain, she thought she was the victim.

I’ve been praying. An anxious thought comes, and I say a little prayer. I am human and I don’t feel the strongest right now, not sure what else to do. Coffee and sunshine sound nice. I love caffeine in moderation, it helps me slow down and reduces anxiety. Might be an ADHD thing

[Jynx]

@creative_writer see if that happened to me I would absolutely be complaining as loudly as possible to whatever advocacy org or whatever I could find. Sort of for a sense of my own justice but mainly so that irresponsible and potentially downright dangerous practitioner didn't get the chance to re-traumatise anyone else. I imagine it would require a lot of energy to follow through on though. 

Aww I love a little prayer affirmation habit, that's really lovely! Sometimes when I don't know what to do with myself I spend some time just kinda... asking the universe. Meditation, going for a walk and letting my mind wander, or doing some ritual - in particular I turn to Tarot as a tool for introspection, you got anything like that? I don't imagine it's a regular part of Muslim cultural practices but you could just like it, lol.

[creative_writer]

@Jynx  I fear it’s been too long now. It’s been like 8 years. I have considered filing a complaint. I probably would go with an anonymous complaint. It was true that it was downright dangerous. I wouldn’t be surprised if other clients have had negative experiences.

At the end of the day we have to realise that there will be things outside of our control. Sometimes my brain tries to be too logical, but I remind myself I can ask for the things that seem so impossible. We don’t have a Tarot tool. I pray for strength, that I am able to heal and I am able to achieve my dreams

[Jynx]

Ach, that's annoying @creative_writer - you ever looked this person up to see if they're still practicing? Do you think there's part of you that is seeking closure? 

Tarot has been an interesting journey, which I'm more than happy to share if you're interested - alas I am out of time tonight! And like, you might have zero interest in it which is also fine 😉

Annnnnd random idea of the evening - would you find it engaging if we maybe made a prayers thread? I think prayer and mantra are powerful tools, just like affirmation, and it could be a great way to forge some spiritually oriented connections!! I could kick it off and tag you? Or by all means feel free to jump start it yourself if you think it's a good idea!! 

Anywho, I shall bid you adieu, may you slumber all too soon!! Till next time 😊💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I have looked her up and she is still practising. It also appears that there are other clients who aren’t satisfied with her approach towards therapy. Maybe I’m seeking closure, but I don’t know if it’s too late now. 8 years is a long time. I was too young 8 years ago to realise.

I have heard a bit about Tarot. I experience a lot of anxiety about future and rumination about the past on a daily basis, the only thing that gives me peace is prayer.

I hope you were able to rest up last night. I have noticed that I have been sleeping more lately

[Jynx]

@creative_writer I mean for me, the seeking of closure hasn't always necessarily needed to actually involve the person who had hurt me. Whilst that would be ideal, I think closure can be a process we forge for ourselves - for example, I have taken the time to write letters to people who have hurt me, even though I've known they will never read it. 

I think the 'typical' idea of Tarot is that it is a way of fortune telling or predicting the future, but it's not at all how I use it. Basically, each card represents a theme or collection of related concepts. I focus on the thing I am seeking clarity or insight on, and then shuffle the deck and let my gut do the picking for the cards. Arrangements or 'spreads' are things liiiike.... might have just three cards, where the first is 'The crux of the issue', the second is 'What am I not seeing?' and the third is 'What will help me move forward?' 

Then flip cards and the card's meaning and related concepts become like, prompts for reflection and introspection. So it's a tool for I guess... being able to think more laterally or a way of potentially engaging with a topic in a new way. Definitely not rumination-fodder if you don't want it to be! 

Are you worried about sleeping more? Could just be your body catching up on sleep, or getting used to no longer having obligations to go to each day? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I’ve heard about the letter writing method. I think I did write a mini letter and expressed my anger over SA. It was a long time ago though. It might help to try it again.

I don’t know if this is an ASD thing, I find sitting with uncertainty hard. I like planning things. Right now I don’t even know what next year will look like for me.

I do have less obligations. I just feel tired all the time. I could be getting more than enough sleep, but wake up feeling tired

[Jynx]

@creative_writer yeah for sure, like you said you were a different person 8 years ago, so the process will be different now! 

Randomly this popped into my head, maybe the time frame! You have probably already seen it but it's always a nice reminder: 

Yeah that tracks, I think the fun of having a rigid nervous system includes finding oneself with excess/unstructured time to become a stressful thing. Maybe you could have a think about creating some new routines? 

Quality of sleep matters too! You could be sleeping 9 hours a night but if you're not getting enough REM sleep or something, it will still be detrimental. I've been thinking about doing a sleep study, you ever thought about doing one?