Listening to triggering music

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I need the therapist to feel me. It’s one thing to hear the words and another to feel. Subtle things like tone of voice, facial expression and body language communicate a lot. Sometimes we get caught up in intellectualising emotions when they can’t be intellectualised. I don’t believe it is adequate to just challenge thoughts, but it is helpful to understand the purpose behind the thoughts. It’s about digging deeper beneath the surface.

If I’m going to be honest I fear not being believed. Telling my story opens up the possibility of not being believed.

My last psych did believe me but I don’t think she was able to fully grasp the depth of my pain. I need someone who will believe my story and understand it

[Jynx]

@creative_writer aye absolutely, resonance and attunement are sooo important. And not being believed would be sooooo wounding, it makes total sense that this is an experience you're seeking. 

That sense of understanding is a trickier one, and is where peer support might be your friend. Case in point, is that even within our conversations there's only so much understanding to be found when we don't have this particular shared experience. 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I don’t want to feel crazier than I already do. I wish I could deny facts, but you can’t change the past.

I’ve found peer support helpful in the past. I do find therapists vary in their understanding. Even though I could not see my SANE counsellor, I was able to pick up cues from her voice. I’ve had a therapist who was able to be emotionally attuned in therapy before. I don’t think someone has to go through a particular trauma to have some understanding. What I am looking for is probably a more humanistic approach towards therapy

[Jynx]

Aye @creative_writer sounds like you're sick of being pathologised!! Absolutely legit.

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I do think so. My views on the different therapies has also changed over time. I know everyone needs a different approach to therapy. I can’t help but feel I have too many requirements. It’s like I’m being too difficult. I feel frustrated with myself

[Jynx]

@creative_writer this quote 💜

You're not being 'difficult' hun, seems far more likely to me that you simply haven't come across or had access to the right kind of support. And I mean, if that means you're a 'difficult' client to work with, so be it! Your MH having layers of complexity to it does NOT mean you're less deserving of therapy, if anything it makes you more deserving. It does NOT mean that recovery is impossible either. 

Maybe a gentle reframe could help too? I reckon 'my mental health issues are difficult' is likely to leave us feeling a bit differently to the shame that might come with 'I'm being difficult'. And like... maybe making yourself as 'easily digestible' as possible to everyone around you before ever getting any of your own needs met is less 'difficult' for them, but it certainly isn't for you. 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I am not saying there aren’t great therapists out there. There will always be questionable people who make the system far from perfect. There are therapists that are problematic. I used to see one years ago. I just didn’t recognise it until I left. Seeing the wrong therapist can be traumatic. I have sort of internalised being the narratives of being a “difficult client” and “not trying hard enough”, “I must be making up my symptoms”. Medical gaslighting is real

[Jynx]

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@creative_writer wrote:
Medical gaslighting is real

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SO REAL omg. And so unspoken about. Seems almost like there's this social taboo around being critical of the systems we rely on so much hey.

You deserve better hun. You deserve to feel like not only your experiences, but your reaction to said experiences, is a super valid way to feel. Cos it is!

I should say g'night!! Catch you tomorrow if you're about hun 😊💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx speaking against the MH system gets you labelled as difficult. There are amazing therapists and not so good therapists. The MH system can never be perfect, because humans are not perfect. That’s not to say the system can’t be improved.

It’s easy to just say someone is not trying hard enough if you can’t cater for their needs. It’s important to exercise authority appropriately. There is no one size fits all.

I hope you had a restful night 💖

[Jynx]

@creative_writer aye for sure, seeking perfection is unsustainable in all facets of life. Be nice if it was at least somewhat functional though 😅

I reckon when workers and professionals haven't done enough inner work to be able to recognise their own insecurities, it can result in them needing to label the client/patient as difficult or lazy - to protect their own psyche from having to admit they are unequipped or a poor match, despite this being the best option for both parties. The pervasiveness of shame strikes again. 

Semi-restful, lol. How's your day unfolding thus far?