Listening to triggering music

[Jynx]

Habit, maybe @creative_writer? Like if it is happening every day, maybe your brain has learned to kinda... make it part of the routine? Idk, hard to say. Something to talk to supports about mayhaps? 

Yeeeahhhh the 'too sensitive' thing hit me too. Sometimes, reading the Too Much Woman poem helps immensely, I think I've shared it with you before but lemme know if you want me to send it again! 

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@creative_writer wrote:

Maybe it is about safety. Not going to a safe person will only make me feel worse. It does mean we have to take risks to find those safe people.

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Yep, you nailed it! Taking the risk to put yourself out there is always rough, and always gets easier as you go. I think it's also good to build up a bit of that sense of inner worth and inner strength too, so that when you do take those risks, if they don't pay off they also don't beat us down quite as hard. 

Is there like... a hobby, special interest, or other kind of activity you could invest some time into that might provide the opportunity to start making more connections? Like joining an art club or sports club, volunteering at local animal shelters or other charities, or even finding some cool events in your area you could go scope out? Is there anything you were 'putting off till uni finished' you could go jump into now?

[creative_writer]

@Jynx it’s been like this for a while. Afternoons are the times where I feel the most vulnerable anxiety and migraine wise. A migraine can easily triggered by exposing myself to light.

I don’t actually remember the poem. Maybe I forgot about the time when you did attach it.

You can’t form relationships without taking risks. I think it’s key to take smaller risks before taking those bigger risks. Those bigger risks have a higher price to pay.

I haven’t honestly thought about what to do during my time off. I can give it some thought

[Jynx]

@creative_writer oh! It's this one - one of my favs: I am a 'Too Much Woman' by Ev'Yan Whitney.

Yeah see what pops up!! I mean, if that's where you're at, anyway. Could be a good opportunity to take some of those smaller risks too, if you find something with a social element! 

Up to much this weekend? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx people often think that people with bigger emotions are abnormal in a way. There is often too much emphasis on how emotions may be maladaptive as opposed to adaptive. I can’t speak of everyone’s experience but only my own. Certain therapy approaches have limited benefits for me. I can try to change my cognitions till blue in the face, but that is never sufficient. My mental health is far complex, I have these deep seated beliefs, I don’t have much social support either. Sometimes I wonder maybe I’m too broken for the mental health system. I’m not saying I’ve never had benefits from therapy, but it is quite rare for me to find a therapist that is a good fit for me. I tend to work best with empathetic, validating and therapists who normalise my emotions.

I’m not up to much this weekend. I have been at home all day. Did some spiritual activities and watched some TV. Have you been up to much this weekend?

[Jynx]

@creative_writer almost like...a chicken/egg scenario hey! Like for you to be more emotionally open it's gotta feel safe, so you gotta find the right people, but to find the right people, you gotta be emotionally open to be able to test safety... It's tricky!! I wish there were more like... idk ND clubhouses or something, cos that's where you're more likely to find folks who can resonate with that experience. Not that it has to be people who are ND to be able to accept you but just that well as you know, it's a big part of the ND experience! 

I don't at ALL think you're too broken for the MH system hun - don't forget that the majority of modern psychologists have mostly trained in CBT afaik, and that modern psychology is still pretty rooted in a very white/euro-centric view. I'd say it's far more a commentary on the system (as well as all the other systems we're entrenched in) than it is a reflection of you. Also why I think exploring other modalities and approaches might be super beneficial for ya!!

Not much so far, just popped out to grab some groceries, might have to go back again cos I forgot something smh. Then tomorrow I'm off to see Wicked!! Pretty keen. You like musicals? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I think NDs naturally attract other NDs. Kind of why I was attracted to another ND student at uni. They do seem to be overrepresented in certain clubs, I am sure there are many ND creative writers out there. A lot of us are artistic by nature. Expressing emotions through art is a lot different to verbalising emotions. I can say I feel low, but that does not grasp the depths of the pain. While the DSM and diagnosis can be helpful, but it can hardly grasp the suffering and pain of individuals.

The other thing I've thought about was whether I should find a psych who is also Muslim particularly ince I have OCD thoughts around being sinful, but it does narrow down the options.

I hate when you forget things, it's so easy to get distracted when shopping and buying things you don't need. It depends on the musical, I'll be honest I haven't seen a musical for a while. Then i haven't been to the cinema for a while either.

Feeling quite hyped up right now. There is so much going on in my mind. Worries about future, about finding a psych and career related worries. Also ruminating over the past. I am worried that I am getting bad again. Thoughts are getting louder

[Jynx]

@creative_writer yeah I'm with ya, emotions VERY BIG words very small by comparison. Buuuut that's where poetry and prose can be great! Have you done any creative writing lately? 

Aye, it does narrow the options... hmm but I mean, you could always try to find like, a Muslim psych to help you with the inner narratives and the spiritual and cultural side of things, and then seek out like a somatic therapist or similar to work on like the emotional flashbacks and stuff. If it's accessible for you to do so anyway, I know cost is always a factor! 

Hmm... maybe take a pause, some deep breaths to centre yourself. You know how excitement and anxiety are both basically the same chemical cocktail in the brain? Maybe you could try to point your hyper-ness to something you enjoy? 

Also, exercise might be your friend right now! I always find a little walk, a dance, or doing some stairs does wonders if my system is heaps agitated. 

[creative_writer]

@Jync I haven’t produced much creative work recently. Maybe because I was so busy with uni until the middle of this month. Most of my creative energy was going into uni work.

I’ve heard about chemical cocktail being similar for anxiety and excitement.

[Jynx]

Makes sense @creative_writer and I bet those creative muscles needed a rest too!! 

Outta curiosity, has your sleep schedule shifted since no longer needing to be up for class? Maybe the afternoons ought to be when you have a siesta!! If you are sleeping or having an afternoon nap, maybe the migraines won't get ya!

I gotta skedaddle darlin, chat more next week!! Sending you big cuddles 🫂🫂 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I don’t feel the need to get up as early anymore. I am going to bed sort of early still. I have up napping as a toddler, I don’t know how to take naps. My ND brain fires up during the day, even a bit of light exposure can disrupt my sleep.

I hope you have a relaxing weekend 💖🫂