Listening to triggering music

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I honestly don’t know. I hope things settle for you. My uterus has also started doing what it has been planning for a month 

[Jynx]

@creative_writer we can just chat about anything if you like... liiiiike do you have any plans to get yourself outta the house, maybe outta the city? Lil celebratory holiday? 

I swear my uterus has bigger meltdowns than me sometimes 😂

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I was thinking of going out for lunch tomorrow. I have been spending my afternoon very anxious. Worried about the future. It’s uncomfortable sitting with the unknown and not knowing what next year will look like. My ASD brain likes structure and routine.

I feel like the uterus has a brain of a toddler 🤣

[Jynx]

@creative_writer yeah nice!! Where would you go, you got a favourite cafe or something in mind? 

Totally not surprising you're feeling a bit whacky!! I think there can be almost like, hmm would I call it an identity crisis? Not sure... but the fact is, you have spent the last bundle of years of your life as a student! You know what's expected of you, you know what your day to day is gonna look like, and then suddenly BOOM it's all gone, and you're sorta... supposed to become a 'worker' or 'employee' or whatever, but you're not, not yet, you're just lingering in this in-between stage. 

Are there any passion projects, hobbies, special interests, or anything like that you could focus on to help you feel a sense of purpose? 

OMG I know right, chucking a wobbly at every turn!!

[creative_writer]

@Jynx probably a Turkish one. It feels like a crisis. There is a lot of fear of rejection. I know I’ve been quiet about what I’m going to do next, but I have been thinking a lot. I tend to keep things private before they are set. So I’ll let you know whatever happens, but I don’t know how long I’ll be waiting till I find that next thing.

I’ve been exploring my spirituality. My brain is very tired by afternoon, I probably need more stuff to fill it with. Maybe things that might require less brainpower.

I would argue cats are like toddlers too. You know research has found adult cats are mentally the same as 2-3 year old toddlers

[Jynx]

@creative_writer I mean I guess it will take as long as it needs to take! As for fear of rejection... in my experience, it's one of those things where the more we're exposed to it, the easier it is to not let it get to us or define us. 

What do you usually do when you wanna 'switch off'? I go for video games mostly! 

Oh true?! I heard that about dogs and rats too, but kinda figured cats were... idk a bit dumber lol. But then, my fuzzy lil gremlins sure know how to play me like a fiddle when they want something 😅

[creative_writer]

@Jynx RSD does make it harder. Traumas don’t help either.

I’ve been doing better in the mornings, I’ve been doing things like prayer, listening to podcast, reading Arabic. I also watch TV with my sister and mum. I’ll do the normal things like washing clothes, cooking and showers. I can’t wash my hair less than twice a week because my scalp gets itchy. And my hair requires so much maintenance since it’s so dry. My skin is also very dry and sensitive. I am forced to spend money on skincare and haircare, that can also take time, it can be pretty soothing too.

Cats also have similar attachment style to infants. The area of our brain that responds to babies also responds to cats. Their meows are in a similar vocal range. They are also tinny, have big eyes, small faces like babies do

[Jynx]

@creative_writer aye for sure, but doesn't mean the task is insurmountable!! You got this!

I am trying to get into skincare... I got told off by my new partner cos I don't moisturise... I just wash my face with soap every now and again 😅 But it is indeed STOOPID EXPENSIVE.... 

That's why they are BABIES 😹

I'm about to scoot - catch you next time chicken, be gentle and compassionate with your wonderful self yeah? 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I feel like I’m sort of stuck in an environment where I am disconnected from others. Changing that is very hard, it takes so much willpower. Socialising is exhausting for introverts that I rather socialise with people I connect with. I struggle with motivation so making new friends feels like an extra thing to do.

Skincare and Haircare has indeed become more expensive. I can’t buy the cheap stuff because it simply doesn’t work for me. I need something that won’t irritate my skin and will nourished it enough. Like I don’t want to use half a conditioner bottle in one wash.

[Jynx]

@creative_writer you know... I don't believe in introversion and extroversion. Not in the black and white, categorical sense it is often used anyway. 

I used to think I was an extrovert because I was always out trying to be as social as possible. I learned that what I was actually doing was avoiding being alone with my despairing thoughts. Turns out a lot of the relationships I had in those early days were pretty hollow, too. When I finally started putting work into my recovery and started to build my self-esteem, I started spending a lot more time alone, so I thought I was actually an introvert!! 

But what I've learned since is that it's less to do with how much I wanna socialise, and everything to do with the quality of the people I'm socialising with. Turns out I just find a certain percentage of the population to be... I've affectionately termed them 'energy vampires' haha cos I always feel drained after spending time with them! But then there's certain people with whom I can spend many hours, and come away from the interaction feeling nourished. They're the ones I keep!! 

How about you, do you feel like there's a lot of energy vampires around you? Have you ever found someone who nourishes you instead? Cos yeah, if you're picturing that making friends is going to be an 'extra thing' that drains your resources, it's probably going to do exactly that!! 

Maybe once you're further along in recovering from your burn out, the idea of seeking some social connections will become less overwhelming 🤞

Ugh I know right?! I'm quickly discovering that my sensitive skin is probably going to INSIST on me spending $100s on skin care. I bought this like, moisturising shower body bar from lush the other day - thinking 'cool, now I don't have to worry about that ick slick feeling of moisturiser clinging to my skin, cos I just wash it off!' Yeah nope, felt like I was covered in grease 😫