Listening to triggering music

[creative_writer]

@Jynx some time away significantly improves mental health.

I just want to feel worthy. I find it hard to feel like I’m worth much as a person

[rav3n]

hey @creative_writer how are you going?

just read your last post about finding it hard to feel like your worth much. i'm wondering what does 'being worthy' look like or mean to you?

[creative_writer]

@rav3n being worthy would me I feel content and whole within myself. It would mean I don’t feel so broken and damaged

[rav3n]

hmm think of a $100 note. if you scrunch it up in your hand, it's wrinkled - it's not the same as before and perhaps it can't be perfectly flat again. but it's still worth $100. @creative_writer 

when you mention 'broken and damaged' im assuming you're referring to the trauma you've experienced? perhaps being worthy has nothing to do with what's happened to you but rather how you've overcome the cards you've been dealt with? i'm thinking out loud too

[creative_writer]

@rav3n I am in constant war with myself. One side tells me I am more worthy after everything I’ve been through and the other side tells me I’m less worthy. It’s a bit of a push and pull thing going on right now. Not entirely sure how to resolve the conflict

[rav3n]

@creative_writer i hear you, i feel the conflict too and i know it must be exhausting.
i was talking to my friend about that battle as well and i think the way to resolve the conflict is to choose. 

i think we have to make the choice to believe one of them and keep practicing that. if we pick the healthier mindset of 'i am worthy' then we have to keep working on reminding ourselves of that and battle those negative thoughts. 

if we chose the 'i'm not worthy' mindset, which we've already built from a young age, it's easier to accept. we don't have to 'fight' back because we we've already been thinking in that way for years. 

everything good/healthy in our life doesn't usually come easy, we usually do have to fight for it and overcome obstacles to reach it. 

it's clear you want to believe you are worthy. now perhaps, you have to keep choosing to believe that until it gets easy to believe?

[creative_writer]

@rav3n I think we do have to engage in self talk in order to change our mindset. I actually wonder whether the reason why I’m in so much conflict is because I’m challenging the automatic mindset more.

I got feedback for one of my final assignments back. The marker was savage, and said that it looked like I rushed my assignment 😡. I spent hours doing it. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t do poorly, but not as good as I wanted to

[Jynx]

@creative_writer hiya darlin. How you going today? 

Honestly couldn't have said it better than @rav3n in terms of making that active choice to believe and nourish the part of you that does think you're worthy. Do you know that old 'you have two wolves inside you' concept? It's like that. 

I've also been doing that inner parts work recently, I think I mentioned it the other day - I took the photos of the exercise I'll upload em in a tick. But basically what might also be helpful is if you connect to this 'unworthiness' part and find out what it is they believe they're protecting you from or helping you with by holding this belief. Because at the end of the day, even those despairing, uncomfortable, miserable parts of us are still us, and deserve compassion and care too.

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I’m feeling rather anxious today. How are you?

[Jynx]

Aww chicken! Sorry to hear it @creative_writer anything I can do to support ya? 

I'm alright, had a bit of a wild day yesterday after some meltdowns 😅 My uterus is kicking me about methinks!!