Listening to triggering music

[creative_writer]

Why do I keep doing this to myself? 

[Jynx]

You ok @creative_writer? 

Perhaps there's a lot of emotions wanna come out and music is a way of helping those floodgates to open? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I can’t seem to wash this shame off. I used my lavender hand wash just now, but still feel gross

[Jynx]

@creative_writer aww hun, do you think continuing to use it is helpful right now? Maybe a change of scenery or switching up your environment could help? Or you can always reach out to a chat or support line if you wanna have that immediacy of support. And don't forget the power of your breath, and how much we can utilise it in our regulation. 

I dunno if you know of these guys, ARCVic, but they might be good to talk to if you're starting to notice things are trending towards becoming compulsions? They used to be the OCD hotline, and they're amazing, I used to volunteer with them. 

I can't stay and chat tonight hun, but @tyme is about if you need. Sending some squishy huggles and super chill vibes your way. They're coming for ya whether you like it or not! 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I had to take some time off last night and went to bed early, I think I was very exhausted from a long day at uni and the heat wasn't helping. I am feeling better, but processing takes time. I think I am at that point in time where I am processing. It feels like I am oscillating between the loss orientated and restoration orientated from the dual process model of grief. Trauma is a form grief. I could try reaching out ARCVic. Sometimes the monsters come out. I don't think I really understood why I have felt so stuck for so long, I never really thought of it as symptom of OCD until recently. Sometimes I struggle to find words to describe feelings, it can very suffocating.

I hope you had a restful night ❤️

[Jynx]

Heya @creative_writer hope your weekend is going ok! 

Aww wow, look at you go with these reflections hun! Sounds like you really are just gently peeling back the layers. Plus how nice is it finding the right language to help us understand ourselves better!

You might be similar to me, I think I have alexithymia, or at least elements of it. What it can look like sometimes is that I will not realise until days, sometimes weeks later that oh, I actually had An Emotion about that thing! Or it can feel like everything inside is too messy or swirly to come to any conclusive notion of the actual feeling, since I'm stuck in overwhelm.  

How's your weekend been so far?

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I just realised this afternoon my heart rate is up and I'm on crazy mode of getting things done. I haven't had much time to think about stuff, though i may be burning myself out slowly. Like I couldn't even focus on my prayers today. That reminds me, I haven't had anything to eat for a while, I haven't even had any water for a while.

I definitely experience alexithymia at times. I was a late talker, I did not talk much as a kid. My parents would ask me what is wrong and I just kept crying. I was even selectively mute for some time. I am more of a visual kind of person, I am better at describing than saying how I feel.

How has your weekend been?

[Jynx]

@creative_writer aww darlin yeah no wonder you're feeling a bit wonky!! I hope you're able to slow down to attend to those basic needs. No shade on you either - I think it's a very big ND mood to be so caught up in trying to get the funny electrified meat that runs our lives to cooperate long enough to do a task, that things like eating and drinking water can easily be forgotten! 😅

I think this is why I find visual metaphors soooo helpful - both for understanding my own emotions, and I have gotten very good feedback utilising them during sessions with my ND clients. Like this arvo, maybe for you it's like 'I feel as though my head is full of very loud and buzzing bees' (this is an example mind you that might not be accurate at all lol) - the emotion might be like, frazzled or overwhelmed or something but... like I have different kinds of overwhelm! Sometimes it's the buzzy brain kind and sometimes it's the sensory overwhelm and sometimes it's cos I'm having a Very Big Emotion and need to tap out of it for a bit. So maybe even 'alexithymia' can be pathologising when like, sometimes language is simply insufficient to properly communicate something happening internally. 

[Jynx]

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@creative_writer wrote:


How has your weekend been?

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Forgot to reply to this bit! My weekend has been good so far, got out into the sun earlier and did a bit of barefoot running around the oval. It's nice to feel some grass in my toes! The itching from the seeds was less fun though 😅

[creative_writer]

@Jynx it’s probably the craziness of being ADHD and maybe even Bipolar. I’ve had something to eat, though not really hungry. I’m taking a break right now and listening to music by an ADHD singer. I feel like many of us ND have high justice sensitivity. My mind is indeed very scattered, you can probably tell. I’ve been jumping between two assignments and now thinking about how the world is not such a good place for so many people.

Metaphors are so helpful. Then I suppose not all us talk in poetry, it’s seen as quirky. I feel like ND has a long history of being pathologised and still is.

Walking on grass can be grounding. If only my allergies allowed for it, I would too. The itching isn’t so fun, I hope it clears. The weather is lovely today