Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Skye2303]

Hi there,
New to the forum. For many years I thought that there was something wrong with my mother. I am 30 and have 3 children of my own. I've only had her look after the eldest twice (now 😎 when he was small. And both times she would call me and say that she gave him something because he was unwell. Keep in mind that he was well before going there. I felt uneasy about it so I had to avoid letting them stay over.

I recently found our that my mother was diagnosed with muncheausens when I was very small. Where do I start....

I was born overseas and was told from a young age that my mothers family never wanted anything to do with us. That I especially was a very unwatered child. I can remember living in a filthy house and put into foster care briefly but thought it was something to do with my mothers physical Health and we were just staying with friends but have discovered that it was because we were being neglected to the point where we ended up very unwell and the state took us away while mum went to a mental institution. We were never told this by her. We were never allowed to speak to her family.

She would tell me various stories about my biological father as I have never met/seen him, always a different story every time. She would believe her lies and when I would question her, she would lose her temper and say it was a hard time for her and walk out of the room.

And as soon as someone would work out what was wrong with her she would run away. This is how we have come to be in Australia. We have been here for 18 years.

Having this brought to my attention (my younger sister doesn't believe me as she doesn't have much recollection of what happened and well my mother has done very well to cover up everything) I realise that I do need some counselling to deal with these overwhelming emotions. I would never and cannot approach my mum in regards to her mental state as some family friends, whom are nurses, have already and have had to deal with the sociopath side of her by threatening them with court, defacing their business, the list goes on. She flees upon confrontation and becomes a very angry woman.

I'm just wondering if there are others that may have found out later in life about mental illnesses in their parents and how you have coped with it all once you found out.

Also how I can obtain any information on this matter so I can completely, 100%, know the truth. That is all I am seeking.

Thanks xx

[pip]

Dear Skye 2303. Dealing with anyone with Munchausen's is difficult, having it in your mum is almost impossible. Are you seeing a Dr/psych, I would ask them first for any info, then perhaps Google for info. Munchausen's by 'proxy' is when the person with the problem inflicts enough harm on the child/adult to warrant medical attention. Munchausen by 'proxy' sufferers usually have a slight medical knowledge, enough to know when to inflict and how much to inflict. When the person is faced with the knowledge that their 'secret' is 'out' i.e they have Munchausen's, yes, the first reaction is anger, threats of violence etc. There is quite a lot of info on the 'net' these days regarding mental health, so hopefully you will find something. But talk to your Dr definitely, the more info you get, the better 'armed' you are. Trying to confront your mum would not be advisable, as she would turn against you and possibly attack. I am so sorry you have this situation. Munchausen's is not as common as most mental health problems, but it is recognized as a severe disorder. Like Narcissism though, you really have to know as much as possible before dealing with it. I take it there is no father on the scene. Hope this has helped, somewhat.

[Skye2303]

Thanks Pip,
Yes I meant to write by poxy. I have found some info on it and have talked to close friends and my partner about it all. She is a registered nurse and now with the knowledge that I have, I feel that there may be a risk for others in her care. For instance, when I was certain that there was something wrong with her at 14, she tried to have me diagnosed with bi polar. So many other incidents to recall.

No I've never known my father and had some issues on that but have dealt with them myself. And am now a much stronger person for it. But with that said, when I spoke to my family, I was advised that she was sleeping with multiple men during the time she fell pregnant with me.

There is no way I would ever bring this up with her unless I am completely locked and loaded with all the details on the condition, where she was diagnosed, when it happened so she can't say I'm making it up. As this is what she has done pretty much at every chance she's had.


Seeing a councillor or my dr I think is a good idea. It all makes sense now, but has stirred up some very unwelcomed feelings.

[pip]

Dear Skye2303. Even though you have been advised your mum was 'sleeping' around (as the old saying goes), I would be extremely hesitant referring to it. What's past, in that sense, is best left 'past'. I would be dealing with here and now. It's interesting your mum has become an R.N. Usually Munchausen sufferers do have some medical knowledge gained either through having a medical parent, or studying. If, for instance your maternal g'mother/g'father was a medical person, it's possible therefore your mum may have felt she was ignored. Getting attention would've meant hurting herself either with medicine/food/drink. She would have knowledge that certain food/drink/medicine would hurt her if she had more than she could take. What the sufferer usually does is find out exactly how much is too much. Over time, they ingest small amounts, leading up to large intake, till they need help. They usually have the knowledge exactly how far to go with whatever they ingest. Do you know that she was actually diagnosed with Munchausens, or is it just a suspicion? I should imagine you do feel quite upset and distressed about this. Please feel free to write in again, any time.