I don’t feel belonged

[Blackcloud]

Thanks for being able to be there for me tonight @tyme really appreciate it! ❤️

[tyme]

I'm happy to keep you company @Blackcloud  I know it's not easy being all alone on your first night. 

[Blackcloud]

@tyme @rav3n @Ru-bee hi again. y'all ever since yesterday and even still now, I now have this sudden urge of wanting to switch from a shared room to a private room. Sure, the private room is more pricey than the shared room in terms of the weekly rent, but uhh yea....it's just that you know with shared rooms, you have less privacy compared to if you have a room with only yourself in it which makes it much much better than having someone else in the same room or same place as you.

my roommate is not bad of course, she's pretty chill but we very much just "exist". but I dont even know how long im gonna cope with living with someone. 

If I remember last time when I was reading the accomodation company's policies, I thought I remember they've included something along like...that you're breaching the contract if you choose to switch rooms during your contract period after the start of your contract period or something. I'm too scared to ask the reception about it in person though, so I may or may not as well just send them an email asking about it instead of going up to them face to face lmao.

I'm in the study room right now and it feels so much nicer here than being in a fricken shared room lmao

EDIT: by the way @tyme i lied when I said that I would be breaching my contract if that meant I chose to move rooms during the contract period, but it seems like that’s not the case at all which is great!! I did sent an email to the reception at the accomodation about this and they got me to sign the room allocation form, so that’s all done and dusted. But yea I guess that would mean I’d have to like…cut back more on some things I’d usually spent on a monthly basis in this case since private rooms are more than $500+ per week for the rent. 

[rav3n]

hey @Blackcloud just read up on your recent updates - yay to finally moving into the new place!!! i see that you've applied to transfer to a private room! if things do get financially tough, would you be willing to go back to a shared accommodation? and i'm really glad there's good study spaces!! sometimes living alone seems exciting (especially when you've been sick of living at home with constant overstimulation/distractions/arguments) but it can also be isolating at times so make sure you add in some social time too!! 

also i saw that you mentioned you're from a southeast asian background, i'm from a south asian background myself so i get the feeling we've been in similar boats with the family stuff.
hoping that your transition to the accommodation is still going okay, don't forget that you don't have to be 'besties' with your roommate anyways, if you both are able to respect each others boundaries and communicate with each other in a friendly manner, that's what matters most. and with the privacy stuff - once your roommate got the job, perhaps that would give you more alone time, and looks like those study spaces gave you some space too! i'm guessing you won't be in the shared accommodation for long now if the applications been lodged - but if you ever do consider going back to share accom, just know you can survive that too 😊

[Blackcloud]

@rav3n oh yea but I was referring to more of the basic stuff like the spotify premium monthly subscription, gym membership etc. since those are the things I feel like I might have to cut back. I was considering on calling my local gym to cancel my membership but I’ll do that whenever that’s possible.

another good thing is I’ve already cut down from spending 3 different vitamin supplements now down to using/buying 2 different vitamin supplements.

There is one big monthly subscription that I’m still currently paying, and that is the monthly subscription with my IBS naturopath which is $249 per month (it’s not ongoing but it does last for 12 months, so that would mean I have until august next year since this expires). I can’t let go of that because looking after my health whilst suffering from IBS is very important for me and I need her to keep supporting me through that.

I get about respecting each others boundaries in terms of the roommate part. The thing is I don’t tend to approach someone when it comes to being openly honest about something, unless they either tell me or ask me about it first. Also, I usually give off the impression that I’m not very friendly to talk to or whatever because I’m just not at all social like that and I’m not a people’s person either. And I don’t want to cause any argument or anything which is why it’s better for me to be on my own and have my own company rather than having to deal being with someone else.

[rav3n]

oh yep, you're so on top of all the budgeting stuff @Blackcloud oh yes your health is super important so keeping the IBS naturopath seems important!! i know you mentioned using Centrelink to pay for rent, i'm not sure if i asked you this already but do you plan on searching for a job as well?

ahh yep i get you, it can feel confronting when you're trying to be honest with people but definitely is important - you don't come off as unfriendly at all on here! you can always communicate via email/texts if you feel more comfy that way too! but also totally understand if you don't want to risk conflict and deal with other people right now. if you do feel lonely when living alone, do you have a someone or even just somewhere you can visit to feel more 'connected'? also do you know when you'll be able to move to the private accommodation?

[Blackcloud]

@rav3n i have already applied for jobs in the past few months, a variety of them were of the same role that I wanted to do but I never got any response from any of the hiring managers I’ve submitted resumes to. Also, I have recently been submitting my resumes to various recruitment agencies, but still haven’t gotten a call back from them regarding any role I want that is currently available 😭 I know the only jobs out there right now that I think are “available” for me would be the bubble tea customer service type jobs, but I ain’t gonna apply for any customer service jobs for obvious reasons. I’m also not gonna be going for any cleaning jobs either cause 2 years ago I worked as a housekeeper/room attendant at a hotel only for a few weeks and it was UTTER HELL!! It wasn’t the job itself tho, it was actually mainly because of the managers and the coworkers.

[Blackcloud]

@rav3n oh and to answer your last two questions, well… I don’t have anyone in real life that I can rely on to feel more connected. I only have online friends but whatever. 
And with regards to a place to visit to make me feel more connected, well yeah but they are the places where I don’t talk to anyone there either if that makes sense?

And when I’ll be able to move into the accomodation, I might have to go to the reception later on to see if there’s currently any private rooms here (or at another location but under the same accomodation company) that are on vacant. And then if they ask me when I’d like to move then I’m gonna say “well it depends on when’s the earliest date for that is”.

[Blackcloud]

@rav3n hell nah my roommate just came back 😭😭😭 OH HELL NAHHHHHH 💀💀💀

[rav3n]

@Blackcloud so fair, job hunting can take time!! that's great you've submitted your resume to recruiting agencies as well, hopefully they'll come through with some interview options soon. if you're under 25, you can also maybe check out the headspace work & study specialists? you can talk about your mental health and explain to them that you're looking for a job with less customer-service types of interactions and they can send you relevant jobs, etc. they also offer support with resume/cover letters/interview tips, etc. their 1-on-1 service is free, you can webchat or call or videocall depending on your preferences too. 

i also am not a fan of cleaning/customer service type of jobs, worked at a petrol station once and it was hell, but it also taught me how important the work people/work place is when finding a job. even if the job itself is doable, if your managers and your co-workers aren't great, it defs makes it much tougher to show up to a shift and perform well.