I can’t cope

[Captain24]

That’s so good @tyme. You have another one tomorrow from that app don’t you? 

That so rough. Even dull pain is annoying when it’s relentless. Hopefully it’s nothing serious and the doc can get to the bottom of it. 

Im not sure what you have read but I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now. My psych appointment yesterday was hard. I told her everything. She didn’t even start the session with her cheery self she started with concern. But I told her I want the risky stuff to stop. She thinks 2 weeks is too long to wait for the next appointment but I can’t take the day off, so it’ll have to be. 

My GP was understanding and full on. I didn’t tell him much though. By the end of the appointment I realised I could have but it was too late. 

Now I have the two tomorrow. 

It’s all feeling way too much for my messed up self to be dealing with. It’s been a big couple of days and tomorrow is going to be huge. I don’t even have time to process before going into the next one.

Im really starting to freak out. 

[Jynx]

Ach yeah soooo much to be juggling in one day @Captain24!!

Do you want to see this pdoc for ADHD or is it just more generally?  

Ach I know that feeling. Makes me feel back in high school again, "Why didn't you do your homework?!" blech. BUT I'm sure it'll be fine. Maybe you can have a think about what the main barriers were for being able to engage with these things she wanted you to do, and discuss that? 

Deep breaths hun! They're powerful 😋

[Captain24]

I don’t have one so I just need a general but my psych recommended this clinic as it’s where she goes. So I guess I’ll find out tomorrow if she does more than ADHD. My psych believes a diagnosis and meds may help with everything else that’s going on. Plus she wants my meds reviewed. 

I just feel like a failure. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her. But it’s a really hard to do what she asks. If I tell her that I’m drinking some water. She tells me I need to drink more. She always has to push. Maybe after a break this appointment won’t be so bad. She is really lovely and does a checkin with me at the start of every appointment. I really like her. 

Sorry I’m rambling. 

Nervous energy I think. I’m so fidgety. So unable to explain. 

[Jynx]

Honestly yeah darlin, if ADHD is part of this picture, the meds would help soooo much @Captain24 - the brain fog lift alone!! All my fingies and toesies are crossed for ya!! 

Maybe at the start of the appt you could express that you're feeling a bit vulnerable and also feeling really bad about not doing the things - if she knows you're feeling a bit sensitive about it (which is SO valid) it might help her in how she addresses stuff with you 😉

Pish posh, this isn't a ramble!! You've seen me ramble!! You're so fine 😋

Aye makes sense!! Very big day tomorrow. I am gonna be heading off soon so I should probably say nighty night!! I will be thinking of ya, sending you all my fortitude tomorrow, and hopefully catch you in the evening 💜

[Captain24]

Thanks @Jynx. I hope you have a goodnight and a good day tomorrow 

[Captain24]

Just because my life isn’t hard enough right now. Too many appointments, to much mentally, to much riskiness, to much everything. 

I ordered a gas bottle the other day. It hasn’t arrived and now I have no gas. No cooktop and now hot water. So no cooking and no shower. I can’t order until after my appointment so it won’t get delivered tomorrow. I know first world problems but it just adds to everything 

Can life throw anything else at me? 

[tyme]

Arghhhh... sorry, I was away from the computer for a sec... you know how I said I wasn't feeling well and I haven't been feeling well for a while? I think I've got shingles.

I've got a rash around me... arghhh..

Anyway, back to you. I'm sorry it's so hard. 

At this stage, do you think work will act as a good distraction for you? As hard as it is, I'm thinking you may need it as a distraction if you can get there safely. 

Oh @Captain24 , it's such a worry. I hope things get better.

[tyme]

Huh @Captain24 ?? Do you use a gas bottle to cook?

Is it because you live so far out?

[Captain24]

Oh no. Apparently shingles is really painful @tyme. I hope it’s not. 

It hasn’t really been distracting me. My brain has been shutting down while I’m there. I lost nearly 3 hours one night and even managed to have crib through the middle of it and not remember. So it’s becoming a concern. 

It’s just all too much. I was cooking pasta when the gas cut out. I’m glad my appointments are Telehealth as I can’t shower. I can’t use the dishwasher. I can’t wash my dishes. I’m so stupid. I should’ve known when they didn’t send me an invoice. I cook with gas and use gas for hot water. We don’t have natural has out here.

I just can’t cope right now. I don’t have anything left in me. I feel sick. I can’t do it. I hate life. 

[tyme]

That can really throw a spanner in the works @Captain24 .

I didn't realise you need gas for pretty much everything! If I could take you out for a cuppa, and company, I would!

Hugs @Captain24 

Are you finding you are really not liking work now? What's your instinct?