I can’t cope

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 , I'm working my way through posts and getting there 🙂

Of course I'm not too busy to connect with you and others. 

I"m glad you got what you needed done. Hope it's off your shoulders.

How did you manage last night and today?

[Captain24]

Sorry.. I didn’t mean any pressure @tyme.

It is, it feels good to have accomplished something today. I got up at 11:30 and just forced myself to do it. There is so much more to do but it’ll have to wait until I’m feeling better 

I planted two branches from the tree that fell down at mums. Turns out that tree was struck by lightning and took a while to fall. 

Last night was a real struggle, I said I was safe but I wasn’t really. I made it through though. Today I’m trying to focus on achievement but I started to fall in a heap about 2 hrs ago, all the thoughts are coming back. I’m trying to tell myself ‘the healthy adult part of me wants to keep me safe’ That’s from my psych. 

How are you going? 

[tyme]

Hugs @Captain24 . I'm so glad you were able to accomplish your list today. That's so amazing and really lifts my spirits. 

I just feel like giving you a big hug.

I'm mindful it hasn't been easy, but you are here and that's what counts.

I will also hold onto this: ‘the healthy adult part of me wants to keep me safe' (on a side note, I'm 100% safe)

How are you going to celebrate your achievements later today?

[Captain24]

Even allowing myself the ability to accept that I did all that I could do is an achievement. @tyme 

I really could do with a hug right now. I wish I could see my psych in person. She gives good hugs. 

Im doing the best that I can. It’s really tough. I’m thinking I may need an extra psych appointment. I’ll give it until Monday. Work might make a difference. 

I grabbed a chocolate while I did my groceries, so I’ll have that after dinner. 

It’s quite good isn’t it. I don’t believe it but I guess that’s ok. Have you had a rough day? 

[tyme]

Hehehe. You don't believe you are okay. 

I'm just glad you are. 

Yes, I had a very very very bad day today. But I'm glad I am here. I'm also going to take it easy tomorrow and just do things I enjoy like going for walks, reading and chilling.

Today, I contacted 2 psychologists - I've got access to a 24/7 psychologist via an app, and I've also got my private psych. It things get worse tonight, I'm going to use the app. @Captain24 

I've also been speaking to a therapist and another psychologist so I've got all the supports which is good. 

I found it cool that you 'buried' the tree branches. Tell me more about this. Why bury them?

[Captain24]

I feel like I appear ok but I feel sick in the pit of my stomach. That’s where I’m holding my current state. @tyme 

I’m sorry it’s still really hard for you. I’m hoping a rest day will help lift a little. Do you want to talk about? I’m here to listen if you need. 

Please use it if you need. Before it gets too far. 

Im so glad that you are reaching out and have good supports in place. 

I planted the beaches to try and grow them. This tree can grow from just a branch. It’ll take years for it to grow into anything decent, if they survive with my lack of gardening skills. 

[tyme]

All good. Thanks for the offer to listen. I think just knowing people are around when I've had a very crap day helps me feel validated. That in itself is helpful.

I hear you feel sick in the gut, but I wonder if, by going along with being okay, then you WILL be okay? I'm not denying that you feel a bit yuck but I'm wondeirng if you've been feeling yuck for so long, that when you feel actually a bit okay, your body goes into...um... shock? lol

@Captain24 

Who knows 🙂

As for trees growing from just branches.. seriously??? No way! I guess for some trees, maybe... but a willow?

[Captain24]

T/W SH

Always here @tyme Throwing my support at you. 

I don’t know. It’s gotten worse in the last few days. Even driving into town today I thought about it. 

Maybe faking being ok for the next 5 days may help. Plus there will be a routine as much as it’s so hard. 

That’s how the tree that just fell was grown. Mum and dad planted 2 branches when I was little. I chucked a tantrum until they planted a little twig. So the put it in the corner of the yard to shut me up. Their 2 branches didn’t grow but mine did. It’s always been called my tree! 

[tyme]

Thanks hun. @Captain24 

Awww, the story melted my heart - the one about the trees. I guess it's got a clear significance in your life. That's really special.

I'm sorry things are still hard for you even though your day was okay. I'm hearing that that sucks...

[Captain24]

Yeah.. I’m hoping I can grow them. That’d be cool. Plus it’s a tree that my great-grandmother had in her yard. The branches actually originally come from her tree @tyme 

Sorry.. I probably shouldn’t ave said that. I’ll go back and delete it. Sorry

It’s pretty bad. But I guess it is what it is. I tried hard today but still end up where I am. One thing at least when I was doing stuff I was distracted. 

Im trying to watch tv but my mind keeps wondering to places it shouldn’t.