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Something’s not right

Re: I can’t cope

Hi @Captain24 , I'm so amazed you got through work yesterday, well done! 

Sorry you've been having such a rough time 🫂 Am thinking of you today with the appt with your CM to tell your parents. I am wishing for a big wall of protection that what your parents say doesn't make it through to your heart - tough I know, but I have hope. You come first. 

 

Oh gosh re your hospital being 4 hours away! 

 

I also wanted to say, I've been having a few days away from the forums lately - it usually means I'm not doing well, but I definitely still care about you. You're not a problem to me at all - you're definitely worth it. I consider you a friend. 💙

Re: I can’t cope

I’m so sorry everyone. 

Re: I can’t cope

Hey @Captain24 Are you doing OK? What are you sorry about? I'm going to send you an email 💝

Re: I can’t cope

Hope your safe @Captain24 

Re: I can’t cope

So I’ve slept all morning until my appointment. My CM hasn’t helped with telling my parents. I was hoping for some relief after it but no I still have to try and tell them. Why does it all have to be so hard. 

 

Re: I can’t cope

Rough start to the day for you @Captain24, sorry to hear it 😞

 

Could it help to write a few dot points down and just focus on those? Are there ways you're expecting/worried that your parents will respond? 

Re: I can’t cope

I’ve just rang and told my parents. Mum never asked if I was ok just said why can I take the dogs with me. She asked me if I had even asked and checked. 

I was hoping that by telling her that I’d ask At puppy preschool tonight see might feel guilt tripped into saying something. I told her if worst comes to worst they will have to stay here and hope someone will come and feed them. It’s pretty cruel on them when they are with people most of the time. I feel sick. It reiterates how alone I am when I can’t even get dogs looked after. 

I know you are  all probably thinking that it’s just dogs but these 2 are literally my life lines. Without them there is no me. If anything happens to them while I’m away I will not live with myself. I will not live. 

Im sitting here crying in fear of what is going to happen to them. I desperately want a smoke to calm me down and help feel better. But 14 days free I don’t want to slip up, I don’t want to fail at that too. 

 

 

 

Re: I can’t cope

@Captain24 anyone who says 'they're just dogs' doesn't understand just how important our fuzzy companions are! They're members of the family; thinking, feeling animals that deserve love and support as much as we do. I'm sure you'll find a solution 🤞💜

 

Sorry to hear that your mum didn't take the time to actually check in with how you're doing. Sometimes, people have their own stuff that impedes them from being able to be supportive. Usually they're scared, uncomfortable, don't know what to say, etc. but it doesn't mean she doesn't care, probably just that she doesn't really know how to respond. Sometimes it can help to express our needs/desires to them, like 'Hey mum I know this is a lot, but it would be really meaningful for me if you could try to check in with me, ask me how I'm doing from time to time, and remind me that you care', or something like that.

 

Hey congrats on 14 days! I have quit smoking too, it's a tough journey. And with other challenges you're enduring along the way, I can totally understand how tempting it would be. 

 

Something that helped me was learning the difference between a lapse and a relapse, when talking about addiction. A lapse is a temporary setback - e.g. having one or two cigarrettes when super stressed, but not actually picking the habit back up entirely, which would be a relapse. The reason I found it helpful was that it reduced the feelings of shame if I lapsed, and helped me to reframe it in my mind. I hadn't 'failed' by having a lapse, I could still continue down the path of quitting, rather than seeing it as 'oh well I smoked again, I guess I just can't quit right now'. You can do this, I know you can! 💜

Re: I can’t cope

I’m hoping I can find something, that Im comfortable with. @JynxI guess I’ll know more in an hour. Hopefully the nurse can help me out. 

 

I just don’t think mum gets it. She has no idea of where my head space is. 

This is where I wish you could buy just a couple of smokes. I don’t want the whole packet or I’ll have to start again but the need is really strong right now. I can’t cope fighting with so many different urges. 

Does the smoking thing ever get easier? 

Re: I can’t cope

@Captain24 Mm it's tough when the people around us just can't understand where we're at. And sometimes unfortunately when people don't understand, they sometimes react poorly, or just try to be all 'business as usual', which can be very painful for us. Like I've had to accept that my parents will never be able to be mental health supports for me, cos they just don't understand, and at times they will make it about their own emotions rather than being able to sit with me and mine. Big difference being that I don't live with them though, which certainly complicates things. But hopefully your mum will be able to work her stuff out, and you can always ask/tell her what being supportive would look and feel like for you. Even just stuff like "It's okay if you don't know what to say, sometimes a hug goes a long way" or like, "It would really mean a lot to me if you could ask me how I'm going or remind me from time to time that you do care".

 

Oh yeah it absolutely gets easier! Takes like a month I think for the nicotine to work it's way out of the system? Don't quote me on that lol. And also finding other things to turn to when stressed or having really bad cravings - chewing gum, chewing ice cubes (stimulates pain receptors, which releases dopamine), fidget toys, having a sweet drink to sip on - really helps. It's akin to the concept of urge surfing for dealing with self-harm urges; eventually the craving will pass, it's just about occupying your brain in the meantime. Nowadays I can be around people smoking and never even think about wanting one. And the smell! Ugh it's worse to my nose now than it was before I ever started smoking! It's a huge deterrent in itself. 

 

When I tell you I was bad, I mean picking durries off the ground kinda bad. If I can quit, you can too 😎😉

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