Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

hi guys

so im in a bit of a situation and its causing me abit of grief. some of it is my fault but i dont really know how to fix it.

i am a full time carer as well as being a primary carer for my two younger sisters and imstruggling with the pressure to keep it up,

ive been diagnosed with ptsd, depression, gad and a few others but arent overly important at this second ( health anxiety and social phobia). just thought id meantion these just in case they are relevant Smiley Happy



but anyway back to the point.... i dont know how to say no.... and if i say no i feel really bad about it despite struggling with my own issues and pressures

how does everyone just simply say no? esp without feeling bad about it?



even the small things such as my sisters saying 'can you take me outside so i can ride my bike? i cant say no to and feel extremely obliged to just do it. even if im trying to do some study or something else i just seme to drop everything to do what they want. i feel really bad if i say no and i think they will hate me.

[Spookytookims]

@Former-Member  have a read through that topic tuesday thread.  It's filled with exactly things regarding this.

Then if you have more questions...  come back and post them.  That would be my suggestion anyhow,

[Change123]

Hi @Former-Member

I think a lot of us have this problem, the constant need to gain approval from others and we do this by "doing what we think is expected" and then unfortunately we end up training people that we will do anything for them and when we dont it can upset them.

Its all about being assertive and taking your needs as a priority and if other dont like that you are trying to take care of yourself - then they are not worth worrying about.  I spent years doing whats expected of my family and when I stopped it caused so many issues.

Start by with your little sister who wants to ride her bike outside with you, just say "I dont feel very well at the moment and need some rest" little thing and let them grow into bigger things to say no to.

[Former-Member]

Yeah its already causing me heaps of issues @Change123 i need help to change it now
Thanks for ypur advice. I ts so hard to put me first

[Spookytookims]

@Former-Member  This thing I have found for you might, just might, help you a bit with this, and what we were talking about the other day, with others not understanding you and you feeling left out a lot of the time around family.  So there is hope.  Don't despair lil-cat.  

You just have fun there for now.  😄 and we can talk about it when you get back.  

[Former-Member]

Just post it lol we are just relaxing @Spookytookims and ill get back to you when i can ❤

[Spookytookims]

Lalalalalalalaaaaaaa  chill sista 😛   You're on holiday  😄

[Former-Member]

Simple. Look at them in the eyes and say NO.