I don't know where to start with her...
I was homeless from March to October because of her...
I was so uncertain of where I would end up from December 2023...
I don't know how I could have been so stupid...
So much has happened...
My church believed her...
I believed her...
Pathological liar apparently...
I say psychopath...
She ticks the boxes...
She promised me so much...
She said she could help...
I wasn't the one who asked her...
She was like a tornado...
Causing chaos everywhere she touched...
Apparently it wasn't my fault...
But I can't help but blame myself...
I feel naïve and stupid...
Stupid for being me...
For being nice...
They say that it's a strength of mine...
Compassion and inclusion...
I can't help but feel right now...
That it's my biggest fault...
That it's what gets me hurt...
Strong... resilient...
Sensitive... brave...
A heart that feels much...
A heart that hurts much more...
A heart she took a sledgehammer to...
It's hard to think about everything she did to me... the empty words and broken promises... the pain it was to have my dreams shattered and my life... just to pick it up again...
Everyday it was another excuse, another lie, another reason, another delay, no evidence, no proof, just told to have faith, to trust, to have that trust broken and violated all over again. Repeatedly.
A few years back I got redress, I got no small amount and I had it set aside for a house deposit... an idea everyone gave up on for me and asked me why I bothered... it's not like I'll ever earn enough from a job... no not me... that's what they say...
My former therapist kept saying to me that my church keep turning up for me... but when they sat with me that afternoon after getting out of a toxic situation and said "you have savings, you can pay for your own accommodation". It was like they were saying they were glad that I got hurt, that I got redress because I had money... that they were glad it happened...
I felt alone, betrayed and so so broken...
Delilah... she came into my life through the church with her pity party and sob stories... she said all the right things to get me to trust her...
First there was a friend with a 2 bedroom apartment that I could rent... then she knew the manager at the housing department... then there's were all the lies to do with that... that's when I started my research because one of the delays was a national audit for the state housing department...
Then she made some reason to need money... court fees from her ex-husband... and I said I'd lend it... she made up this quacking story about her fiancee and his trust account with his 5 army brothers and getting interest and him paying for all my accommodation costs with all the delays and the money she owed...
That's when she said she would buy me a house... she said to pick a suburb, this is the budget, you're going to be a home owner... We went to a home open together and said her boys, the 6 brothers would pay for it... I found the house I wanted and then more delays, more lies and me gathering evidence because my church errs on the side of hope and I err on the side of doubt...
The nail in the coffin was when the house sold and she was still saying all these lies about delays...
All through this she... she... coercive control... who did I talk to, what did I say, they can't know, I'll sue you, breathe a word and it'll all be gone, I'll take the house, it'll be your word against my brain injury, calling every few hours, you haven't told anyone have you? Where are you now, I'll call you later, more sob stories trying to get money.
And so my church... now... the complication is that we're Christian and they won't stop her coming to church, they still pick her up for church, knowing that I'm absolutely without a doubt completely triggered by her enough that seeing her is in direct correlation with my seizures.
If I were to change churches all it would be doing is letting her win.
The other week Delilah's elder approached me and said that she says she's paid the money back, she hasn't. His interpretation of that was ruthless and cold, that I'll never see it and they won't stop her coming. That she'll get away with it and there's no point going to the police because I'll just have to go over it again and again and again.
But I can't do nothing. If I can prevent someone else getting hurt I'm going to do that.
Evil wins when good people do nothing and so I have to do something.
My GP says to go to the police just to get advice about personal fraud and where I can go.
