Sorry in advance for the gloomy post but I am really struggling and don't know what else to do.
Physically I am unwell, my blood clots have came back in my lungs despite being on medication, I have spent alot of time in and out of hospital over the last 2 months due to complications and not responding well to other medications. Last week I found out the clots have caused pulmonary hypertension as well. I have limited support and my psychologist is currently not working due to the coronavirus so I've had no support there either.
Mentally I have bipolar and bpd and have been in a pretty bad depression for a little while now, I am on medication and have tried TMS but it doesn't seem to be helping. With everything going on with my physical health it has impacted me mentally making the depression and anxiety really bad. I am going through each day with thoughts to end everything. I am completely worn out, I am hurting and I am extremely scared of dying from my illness which at the moment feels inevitable which in turn then makes the suicidal thoughts stronger.
I have tried reaching out to different services in the past but no-one has seemed to help or offer support, I just seemed to keep getting either ignored or palmed off.
I really don't know what to do anymore, I am way beyond my breaking point and everyday is a huge battle just to make it through and I really don't know how much longer I can keep fighting this battle.
