Scared, alone and overwhelmed

[Gremlin24]

How is one supposed to manage so many thoughts, feelings and emotions all at once. When things start racing through your mind and you aren't able to distinguish one feeling from the next. When the anxiety takes over and you can't find calm no matter what you try. When the thoughts are so incredibly intense and relentless. When the emotions completely take hold and you find yourself sad or feeling numb or  angry or everything all at the same time. 

I keep finding myself so completely overwhelmed and feeling so on edge. I truly feel broken beyond repair. I try so hard to hide it all to not show how I'm feeling, to put on a brave face and pretend that everything is ok. But the truth is it's not ok, nothing is at the moment. 

My thoughts get the better of me almost every day and losing control is my body's only way of coping, the only way I get any relief, the only way for a moment when I don't feel anything. 

This time of year is so incredibly stressful as i know it is for alot of people. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm not alone in this but reality is other than here i am completely alone with no friends or family. 

I just wonder when will this pain and suffering end, is there a way through this, is there light at the end, will things ever truly get better?

I'm sad and alone, I'm angry and frustrated, I'm scared and hurting, I feel worthless and like I'm a failure, I feel guilty and I hate myself so much. 

Sorry but I just needed to get this out somewhere. I'm trying so hard to just keep pushing through, I really am but it just feels that no matter what I do it's never going to be enough. 

[Macey]

Hi @Gremlin24 this and sounds all very me relatable to me plus after so long (speaking for myself) I ve no option left but to simple watch observe these internal goings on.

Present days o have some motivations that lift me up off the furniture and I able to do somethings like tend my plants and lawn care but for long time could not get up to do anything fir too much thoughts and feelings weighed me into iron cage and abyss waters and still days some days do this to me but I don't resist and try fight phantoms I will lose if I try so I watch them is all and it's like a bad shadow puppet show but I know aswll that sooner or later a good day will dawn and even it might only be the next hour away. I recently started supplements like vitamin d and nicotine from lozenges for I hate smoking and do not smoke but I've observation more motivated after supplement with these ? 

[Gremlin24]

@Macey sorry to hear that you struggle aswell and I hope you have more good days than bad days. Motivation isn't an issue as such as I have no choice but to get up and do things anyway regardless of how I feel. 

[Macey]

Hi @Gremlin24 I mention it coz doing things helps me stop the hauntings. Still only sometimes works tho

[Warnie]

Hey there you are alive I assume you are not homeless you have a roof over your head you ate last night and have a bed to sleep in . If so you are doing a lot better than you might think hang in there these feelings will pass but you need to be willing to help them pass

[Gremlin24]

@Warnie whilst I have a roof over my head, a bed to lay in not so much sleep at the moment, it's still an incredibly hard situation that I'm stuck in. I get that I've got it easy compared to some people. I've been trying to let these feelings pass but when it's been so persistent over a long period of time it's incredibly exhausting and overwhelming.